Checking in again, just to take stock mentally I guess. It has been what? 7, going on 8 months. Finished my internship, secured my job at the Company with no small amount of difficulty (and I am incredibly thankful for the outcome), spent most of December and January lazing around and doing freelance on the side. The nature of work means that freelancing still nets me a decent amount of cash, which I decided to use to take two weeks of February to go solo travelling.

I would have gone for a month during January, but due to the state of possible employment then, it was decided that I ought to remain in-country back then. 2 weeks in February is then, a second prize of sorts.

Internally I crave the carefree days of Europe, longing for the sense of free sense and adventure. Somehow inside I fear my return home has repressed my sense of risk-taking and I worry too much about things. This trip then, was a way for me to ease back into adventure mode. This solo travelling...is as much for me as for everybody else. I say it because as much as it is for me to tell myself I am still there, in a way it is for me to show others how I want to live my life. To show I exist. To exert some sense of control, or to show some sense of control over this life of mine.

As I start work this month, I find myself trying to reestablish the sense of working life I had 2 months ago. It all feels so alien to me now. Officially in a permanent position, I need to take control and manage different aspects of my life as my course is set. As for some aspects, I don't know how to fix them. Maybe they are broken beyond repair.