Been watching lots of movies lately, clearing all those that I've had for a long time but never got the chance to watch. Full Metal Jacket was really good but brings back a load of awful repressed memories I'd rather stay buried. For one thing, I am really really glad I never watched it before NS. I might've renacted the final scene in part 1.

Had dinner. Was ok. Tried to save money. Almost over budget for this month already. Its nice to get together and all you know but...meh. When u get together and a few people get really engrossed in a really deep, serious conversation, geez what do the rest of us do? It felt like we were sharing the table with some strangers, or two separate groups of friends going out.

I know you all haven't see each other in a while but if you're not going to involve the rest of us, why did we even bother going out together in the first place? I'm sorry, I just seriously got very turned off by it. I hardly think I didn't drop enough hints. "Oh, are we in the conversation now? OH, we're in the chatroom." Maybe I make too many jokes. Maybe it was all a joke to you.

Ok. I can entertain myself. No data connection? Read an e-book. I almost started listening to my MP3. But I didn't. I didn't because a certain particular person (who was there today) does it and I think it is an absolutely disgusting and disrespectful thing to do. And one thing more than that that I hate? Hypocrites. So I kept myself away from the music.

Seriously though, you're out with friends and you walk around with 1 or 2 earbuds stuck in your ear? Are we THAT uninteresting that you have to amuse yourself with prerecorded music of some singer on a track you're probably heard 10 times before? Do you need background music whenever your friends TRY to talk to you? Another major turn-off. It's an insult to those you're out with.

So I closed up shop early today. Read my ebook, wander along. Am I ok? Yes I'm ok. I'm perfectly fine. What I'm turned off by is that when you don't involve everybody and u carry on like that for so long, well we might as well not have been there anyway. I don't know what Ben feels about this. Maybe he's fine with it. But 7 people go out and the coversation goes 3/4. Then what for we go out? Take a group picture for show?


Note: I am not turned off because I wasn't in the conversation. I was turned off by the fact u excluded the 4 other people when it's already hard enough to get everyone out together. Maybe the others don't feel this way. Maybe it's just me.


Ok, it's a serious topic. Ok it's private, maybe it's girls talk. There were two other girls besides us, no? Sigh. You know what, it's my fault. You all can talk to each out in your serious quiet group. I'm being weird eh? I guess I take after my dad in more way than I realise. If he's in a bad mood he'll disappear, wander off, walk away by himself till he's satisfied That explains the wandering and the disappearance. Funny world.

I hope I'm not being presumptuous here by thinking you might apologise, but in the event you all might consider it, no. Please don't. I'm not looking for an apology of any sort and I mean it. I just want you to think about the other 3 people you left out. That is all.

Some days I don't even know what am I doing any more. I want to do. I don't. Have mood. No mood. On. Off. What is it exactly is it that I am missing? I feel like there's a piece of the puzzle I'm missing. I have things to do. If I can get my mind organised enough to sort my life out. I want to plan. I don't want to plan.

What is my life for anyways? I don't know anymore. The closest analogy I have is of floating down a river, clinging desperately to branches. Sometimes I switch to other debris. But I am always spinning, spinning around. Sometimes the branch points in a certain direction and I head towards there, but then I get turned around by currents till I am lost again.

I am glad I kept this blog. It gives me a place to put my thoughts. I have always liked things to be neat and orderly but my mind's all a-jumble now. I go out with friends. Everything is ok. But then suddenly I lose the feeling. And I feel...nothing. Results came out today. It was...alright I guess. Was super happy after discovering S/U can help me improve my grade. Now I am...I dunno.

Maybe I will wake up in the morning and try to make sense of it all. I am feeling sleepy. It might be the beer. But I only had one pint. I think I shall make a list in the morning. Lists often help to sort out things. I hope. Coming week is busy.

#nowplaying Radiohead - Fake Plastic Trees.

 I want more out of this life. :(

I went out with classmates today for dinner. I enjoyed myself. We had dinner and then ice cream and drinks at a pub. It was great. I wish I could have more days like this.

Yesterday I went on a spending spree! Bought a flash diffuser for $4. YAY. Cheap. I'm gonna mod it to maybe it a bit more functional. I splurged and got myself a intervalometer as well!!! Been eyeing one for a while. Prices ranged from $80 to $145 and I managed to find a store selling them at $75!! YES. Now I can take more timelapses. If there's anyhing else I might want, perhaps a better quality tripod would be good. There's the Sirui branded one at $169. Shall hope to try earn some money for the hols to buy one? UNPUBLISHED DRAFT???

I need to be doing something better with my days. Kinda. Caught up on a season of Dexter. Been great and all but I have this on-off urge to do something more useful. Got IPT tomorrow so I'll definitely have no mood in the morning. Should find productive things to do as well. =\ Ate a lot of crap today. Crap crap crap. Need to stop. Especially with the IPT shit. I will tell myself after tomorrow when IPT starts. I will exercise ever morning. Go for a run or something. Try to clear IPPT before school starts. Do something productive. Anyway, a friend of mine stopped blogging, kinda because of something I said. Interesting. I mentioned I had a blog and he wanted to know it, but then I told him I don't really do it anymore because I don't have time. The gave him food for thought. So he stopped his 7 yr old blog. =\ He's right about the proliferation of FB and twitter now. Also, if I'm not going to share this stuff with my class (They don't NEED to know so much about me.) Then why blog"? Ironic no?