Got my timetable today. Go home at 5 on Mon and Tue. Ugh. Latest at SR was 4+. =S Anyway, start at the beginning of the day. Rained last night, so I had to remember not to cycle too fast. Don't wanna stain my "Blutack" uniform right? Lol. 1st up was the Compass talk..blah blah...nothing much...Library talk was by Mr. Nathan, a short fiery Indian man who I saw kicking people out from the library before. =S He was quite a funny man though, what with people "receiving messages from nepal"(meditating/sleeping). Lol. 1 break. Class sat together. Has $2 WYSIWYG(what you see is what you get) chicken rice which consisted of chicken and rice. No more. Had chem...still can take it. Was really nodding off, when Vroooom!!! Whoa. Not startled or anything, but surprised. That ringtone made me alert for the rest of the lesson. The girl next to me kena shock cos she got kong ju gan after her phone rang in lecture b4. Lol. Then bio...we watch this great video about ecology. The cinematography was stunning. Static shots of islands and coral reefs, time lapse photograhy, and beautiful settings. A well-appreciated biolgoy period, buyt the lesson had to end when they were getting to the good part...filming sharks...awww. Lol. Had econs next. I forget Rule 1 of Econs is not to sit on the outer rows or you'll get called on to answer! Dang. I noticed the teacher's method was to call a person to answer, then she would continue, elaborating, and asking the next question to the person after. i.e. skipping the guy in the middle for the 3rd person. Then, I noticed the guy she was asking the question was 1 rows down. Oh no. Sure enough, she came up to me, and that's when Sarah sms me. Vrooom! Thanks goodness the lecturer was asking the questions at the very instant. I was surprised she never questioned me about it. Whew. Luckily I had the more unusual "Grand Prix" ringtone and not the quintesstial "peep peep!" Then I quickly answered the question while she (pretended to?) wait as though she hadn't heard anything.
"What was the 'Vroooom!!' marginal cost of the little pig building a house made of straw?"
"His house got destroyed by the wolf."
"Thats right...blah blah..."*walks away* Whew...lol
Then break, PW lecture which was totally unfunny, and BORING. Nearly screamed, just to break the boredom. Drummed my fingers, tapped the table, tried different postions of resting, all of which were slightly less uncomfortable than squeezing oneself into a yoga position. Pissed, I took out my Math, pondered a question, finally understood it, doodled,and prepared all my Maths stuff. When the lesson finally ended, just shifted down, carrying all my stuff with me. lol. Break, then Compass lesson. Played a short game to remember names. *Thinks super far ahead into the future and become kiasu Singaporean* Tried to be nominated at GP rep but failed horribly, miserably, and pathetically. Oh gawd I love English and I cant be the GP rep. Sucks. Now I don't have a single position. Which makes for a pretty portfolio.
"I would like to apply into [insert name of university]"
"Oh certainly, may I see your papers?"
*rustle*"Nice scores. May I see your portfolio now?"
"Of course."
*rustle*"Its...empty. You never held a position?Class? house? CCA?"
"Nope."*Grins*
"Okayyy...we'll contact you soon. Thanks for coming."
*rots*
Yay! Dead end. A' level cert and NOWHERE to go! Whoopee! A disgrace to the family name! A failure! Go back to take poly! Waste 2 years! Waste money! Yippee. All of the class positions are taken, and I have no illusions about my bowling skills. At most, I will be average, or slightly above. I will be a lowly member at most. No accomplishment. Nothing. Who feels like this blogskin now? I do! I do! But I mustn't give up right? I must further foray into politics! Wtih skin as thick as a rhino, yet thin enough to put on a defamation suit when insulted. Time go start working the ground! Time to start kissing hands and shaking babies kissing babies and shaking hands. Lol. Power to the people. Elections are coming! Let me updgrade your desks and chairs! How bout some economic restructuring drinks? Milo for everybody! *grins insanely* Whatever. At most, I will be another of the nobodies...stuck in the gutter, the grunge of society. The downtrodden. Trapped in the rat race, forever futiely trying to crawl out but never succeeding. The never-ending cycle. And that's the story of the future of my life. A nameless figure. A consumer. Held in place by the market economy. Buy buy buy, earn earn earn, work work work. At times like this, I wonder. It life really such a gift? Or is it just a torment. Competing day after day after day. Well, i'm talking to my friends, and I feel a bit better. Keyword: abit. Mayb I'v delved too deep into the "kiasu" role. What is a post? Something unis look at too! Ugh. If I cant go far in CG or in CCA, I cant do crap except study. Its temporary, but in the end...it may be a popularity contest or whatever. I've already lost round 1. I don't grudge Ariffin for winning. In fact I don't mind. Its just that I wanted that post, and now I dont even have a single one. In all my crapping I haven't done my bio tutorial. Damn. I don't even know why I am thinking this way. No offence but it may have come from my aunt. She encouraged me to join those good cca, join student council, and try and get a post in my CG. Subconsciously, I must have adopted that mindset. Am I myself anymore? I think not. Yet I cant get rid of the idea that I want that post. What's going on? What can I say? I was EL rep from sec1? of was it Sec 2? In sec school, I bet without volunteering, the wohle class would've sabo'ed me. Even Calven confirmed today on the bus. Ha-ha. Fat chance. We're all separated now. No point in thinkin about it. mayb that why people often get the impression that I'm very quiet. I don't waste my time in makin up illusions to make myself happy. I face it the way it is. No "If only I had..." or "What if..." or "If this happened..." When I know it's impossible, I don't waste my time fantasizing. That's one way to bring you down to earth. It seems so stupid. In secondary school, had I been "sabo"ed, I would've rejected the offer, unless under great pressure. What has changed me? The cruel competitive world outside I suppose. How sweet the innocence of childhood seems. Unawares of the cold harsh world outside. A dog-eat-dog world. Eat or be eaten. I'm just totally crapping now. I don't know what to do with my Bio tutorial now. Should do it now. Must force myself. The rat race beckons.