I'm a fucking idiot. Today I have disgraced myself and my work. This is it. Change course alr. Bombed. Totally fucking bombed. I think maybe it was good that we didn't get to present because our work SUCKED. TOTALLY FUCKING SUCKED. It stank like fucking dogshit rubbed in rotten eggs. Complete fucking rubbish. What's wrong with me? What's wrong with us? We submitted the presentation only to have it FUCKING RIPPED TO SHREDS. WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WHY. We were the ONLY group where there were ABSOLUTELY NO POSITIVE COMMENTS AT ALL. NONE. ZIP. ZILCH. ZERO. NADA. Flat out bombed. Need to address these issues.

OH GOD NONONONONONO I HAVE TO DO WELL. I CAN'T SCREW THIS MOD. I think all of us are too busy with our other projects to care about this. The only one who seems to, I feel that she does it only because it makes her feel good to be seeing things moving, or to make things move. It's like on-off. I'm sorta like co-steering my studio proj, and I think now someone needs to kick this project into gear. We need to fix EVERYTHING. Now that my laptop's up it's time to kick everything into overdrive.

I have become too pampered, too soft, too lazy. Sleep! All I want to do is to get as much sleep as possible. Thanks to the holidays I got used to having plenty of sleep. Well, FUCK SLEEP. DID I CARE ABOUT SLEEP LAST YEAR? FUCK NO. This is a fucking wake up call (pun intended) and sleep should be the last of my priorities. I'm gonna grab all our slides and chuck everything together and work on it till wed.

Then again, I fear I might have completely disgraced myself and my design sensibilities. Dare I show my slides in front of others again? Wallow in self-pity and regret and recoil at the filth I produced? Or try to overcome this as my walls crumble around me and try to rebuild as much as I can, and try to come out of it all. But my confidence is gome; hollowed out, an empty shell. Part of me wants to try, but part of me fears the stench of failure again.

I need strength.

"Graves come later...just remember it's the winners who dig them."

-Wolves of the Calla, Stephen King