Do wish that I'd spent more time with my class this holiday. The previous one was spectacularly awesome. Sadly it isn't to be this one. Everyone's just busy doing their own thing. =\ On the bright side, I did have fun organising the orientation camp, and met lots of new friends. =) So that's something.

Hopefully this bunch for new friends are here to stay, not become the eventual hi-bye kind. Surprisingly, this bunch is free enough that we've gone on a few outings already so it's pretty great. Over dinner the other night we talked about, and also inevitably school stuff. It was very insightful I guess. Got to know a bit more about what the environment of other courses are like, compared to the enclosed world of ID.

As mostly they talked, (I listened) some things really made sense and I came to the eventual realisation of a couple things. I have to learn to come to terms with a few points.

I have to come to terms with the fact that I am actually, less awesome than I had hoped. I don't have spectacular grades. Regardless of how much I love this course, I am not LEGENDARY at it.

I have to come to terms with the fact that there are people much much better than me. They get a LOT of 'A's. They do amazingly well. Some may even complain that they scored a little badly on this or that, but I have to accept that, annoying as it may be.

I have to come to terms with the fact that I mix with some people who do really well. I may not do as well as them right now, and I have to learn to accept that fact. It's part of what comes with hanging out with them. You feel a lot of pressure on yourself to try to match that certain standard. and what you can't, sometimes it's really hard to accept that. You tend to be a lot more harsh on yourself. And it's good. I want to push myself. I want to excel. But sometimes when you keep disappointing yourself, it's really hard to handle.

I have to come to terms with the fact that I sorta trying to catch up. But I will NOT BE DISHEARTENED. Right now I have to keep pushing myself. I am motivated. I must remember this. Never. Give. Up. I am going to keep pushing and pushing and pushing all I can. I will not give up. I will aim to get the best I can out of me. Death or glory, people.

This sem has been rough at times. But in the end I managed to pull my cap up. So there's that. I just gotta keep pushing and trying to pull it up more. Results aren't everything for us, so I gotta make sure the standard of my work is there too. Gotta keep the momentum up or even higher if possible next sem. In fact I have to brace myself. This sem was rough, but next year is said to be tougher.

Don't think I've mentioned this before. One of the projects we did, I stayed up overnight with my group. While they grabbed sleep, I was up trying to lay out the format for our presentation. The next morning before our final presentation, I was on my laptop trying to lay out some final touches. One of the tutors sarcastically remarked about me working and I had to shut my laptop. I felt so damn angry. So stressed and angry. I was on Whatsapp with friends and I complained. They told me to vent in the chat room, so I did. And I felt so much better. So much relief. Like a weight was being lifted. All that pent up emotion finally found a release, and I didn't even know how messed up I felt until then.