That I am not actually a lonely creature in the desolate wastes of cyberspace, muttering to myself in my isolated corner. That I am not actually posturing to myself(I am, you know.) and trying to make myself feel import - scratch that. Wanted. Because I am not.
As I once stated, it's not the end of the world; the world can carry on fine without you, thankyouverymuch. Back on to the matter at hand. Today I muse about limbo. This horrible, horrible limbo that have trapped so many in its reach. Leaving them into a cesspool of misery and loneliness. This limbo lasts for almost two years.
Perhaps I write this in the hope that one day someone who reads this will understand our plight. And take pity, no, not pity. We don't need that. Only understanding. You see, while the rest of you go on your lives without a hitch, one section transitioning into another; we suffer, dragged into this necessary evil, our lives yanked to a screeching halt.
That strangling, choking out of life is a painful thing. You life suddenly revolves around two things. Your work in there and your weekends. Everything is put on hold. 24/5 your life is occupied with the various aspects of your duty with no physical escape. Your weekends; the life is choked out of them slowly, as others draw farther, their lives taken up by other demands, other tasks, other things. Things more important that you, that's for sure.
As I predicted and feared, this change would, and has come. No matter what, it has, to a certain extent. You no longer hold as much priority as you used to do. You interact and see others less. You are slowly withering like a plant without sunlight. As you die, you cling on to the few tendrils left for you to survive. The occasional outings, the random DVDS you rent, the movies in your computer, even the bullshit ones. Your music, your MSN, Facebook. Your old memories.
Relentless, this force of change is. All I can hope for is that it doesn't tear us apart. That may be too much to bear. We have spent too much time together. Does that even count for something these days? Do you still remember? Or have your minds been taken up by other more pressing, more present concerns? Do you understand the desolate landscape we live in? We cannot meet people. Our social lives are limited to the current pool we know before and no more. And when happen when that pool is drained? You do not have to be an introvert or lonely, it is imposed on you.
But then again you have your own lives to lead. Your own programs, you own events, your own camps, your own friends. Your ever-expanding social circle. All we ask is that perhaps, sometimes, you spare some time for us. Maybe when you're bored, a friendly sms or call would help. I'm sure we would gladly make the time if possible. Surely you can't be busy ALL the time?
It's ironic that even now when you're supposedly 'free', you're not. Somehow, somewhere there always has to be something. Sometimes, I don't even get replies to my SMSes. Needless to say, I don't really even think about calling. Busy busy busy, are we? I guess you are and I understand that. But really, all the time? Or maybe I just cannot let go. It is time to move on? I don't want to use that word. It sounds too...final. But maybe I'm wrong and you all have. Moved on. I mean.
Look. Ok. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe in this case emotions have clouded my judgement and skewed my reasoning. I usually try to be very objective, but I could be wrong this time. This whole piece may just be biased, but it's similar to what I'm thinking. If it's messed up,tell me then. Because I just wanted to voice out my emotions for a while.
No comments:
Post a Comment