Nothing to do today. Which is good in a way I guess. I should appreciate it. TIme outside of camp seems to pass by so darn fast. Spent my day listening to the radio, reading and on MSN. Watching Fe-man later. Ironman of course. Should be cool.

[UPDATE]
Back. Ironman was cool. Very nice. I had fun I guess, meeting up with the old guys again. Everytime I open my mouth, something NS comes up. Ugh. That pretty much sucks. But then again nothing much else is in my life now. Still it is kinda stressful. I know I'm trying to kick myself out of this rut, but it's not easy. Not when I'm like...this. It's that old feeling again. I know it all too well.

It's not easy when your buddy is from RJ and booked out 3 times in the first 2 weeks.
It's not easy when you see your section mate studying for a Medicine interview.
It's not easy when you see everyone else booking out for interviews.
It's not easy when you know your drawing skills suck shit and your only strength is your creativity, which is, well, INTANGIBLE.

I have an Industrial Design interview but I haven't prepared any of the materials yet. It's like I'm avoiding it. I dunno. Maybe tomorrow. Or Sun. Whatever. I can't really think straight now. Right. I feel pretty cut off thanks to NS. I mean, in those two weeks, even the blind can SEE. The friggin' blind can see. In London. My friend exclaimed that. He was reading the papers. In those 2 weeks, Singapore had a disease outbreak, and everyone and their mother found out how good ol' Mas escaped.

All this disconnection makes me feel pretty separated from everything. Its like it's making me, ironically, more anti-social and short tempered at times. Thankfully, at times only. Trying to hold myself in. I know I swear more. I'm just rambling. The main thing here is that I feel pretty much like shit because my future is a blur right now. Knowing you scored the lowest among all your friends doesn't help. I don't begrudge them. Neither do I blame myself. What's over is over, and I know that I did try. It's just that...well...fuck.

You know what's the hardest thing is in NS? It's not the separation, it's not the regimentation, it's not the abuse.

It's holding on to the old you.