Wad can i say today. Couldn't wait for school to end. I didn't go to CG outing. Met with with some old SR frens at Tampines...Sarah and Gina. Marcus got Sports day which he pon wahaha..by jumping from the 2nd floor. And yeah Celine which was their fren and like..very complicated matter. So in the end was like. A bit weird ok. Not really anyone fault but I can't help feeling out of place. Its like 1 guy and 3 girls... =SSS And whats more all 3 are very good frens, and there I am so...yeah. Thats why. Den like became a bit unhappy at the end w/o knowing it cos I felt like I didn't belong. And the outing was like so short...I can't tell if it was good or bad. Guess mayb is my fault. For feelling the way I do.


Performed really badly in bowling today. Spin is screwy again. Sucks. I went to sch to find there's no transport. Blew 10+ on cab fare. What with all the spending on bowling stuff and notes in school, I'm gonna bankrupt the house. Touch wood. =S So I got there and tried and got pretty crappy scores and style. I'm gonna buy a ball tml, but it doesn't leave much time for training. And I NEED to get used to my ball AND improve my spin fast cos I have a competition on Sunday. I starting to regret joining the comp cause they were encouraging us, or not buyin my ball earlier.


Thanks to Calven. he couldn't go last saturday, so I couldn't get it. Also partially my fault when I coulda brought $ to Yishun before. Too late now. Try to get used to it in 1 day before the comp. Gonna suck realll bad. And it's team play. Sorry guys...(whoever's gonna be in my team.) =[ Life is pretty much like...all these activities sped up, and compacted into a short timespan. Like i had to learn something like spin in a coupla weeks, stuff my tutorial immediately after coming home and eating, etc. its a lot of stuff to do. I still can cope, but its all like just right. End it all 11, 12 go to sleep, wake etc. include training, where I hafta improve my ball.


Now there is a fear in me. That I may be asked to leave this team. That i may be kicked out. My ball is really inconsistent. It was ok the session before last, but sucked real bad now. I don't know what to do but to keep working on it. There's 3 training 3 times a week at $40, which is quite a strain, + 2 shirts and a jacket. Wednesday's training has been upped to 4 hours, and stress whenever the coach is around. He hasn't said much to me till now.


Am I so bad that he doesn't bother to help me? I tell myself that I may be just ok, so he doesn't need to say much, or he wasn't watching me...but...throughout my crappy performance he was beside my lane, and he never said anything. Whatever I've been telling myself, its all delusions. Lying to myself. There is something seriously wrong and I need to fix it quick. My happness is at stake. It encroaches on my time and a lot of my money, but I do have fun at this CCA. Or am I? $40 a week, 8 hours of training, and having to improve my style and all that. I really don't know. Is it the right one for me? All I know it that I cant bear to leave it. And that I really want to bowl despite these inconveniences.


I can only hope for the best. Getting my ball tomorrow, and I'll have to practice. I hope I'll be satisfied at least, by my ball. I won't have to use house balls for a very very very long time. The problem is in my spinning. And 1 day to improve it.