The -=[K]=- Blog

2012-01-14T18:10:00.003+08:00

Here's an update on the state of my studies. I roughly know what I'm gonna be doing now, groups have been formed, and stuff is most likely gonna start flying next week. I find myself working with the same people most of the time. Sure, it's a tried and tested formula and I'm not complaining but sometimes a change in the environment is good, no? Helps to liven things up a bit instead of the same old same old. Nevertheless, things are as they are now.

I'm working with a certain 'notorious' character for one of my major projects. He is...how u say, a mythical creature. He's known for being around for a couple years (still in the SAME year), no one knows where he comes from and he disappears until the final presentation. You don't see him but he's there.

This is...unsettling to say the least. The thing is, I really wanted to do this topic, but this means I'd have a 50% chance of grouping with him. When it came down to it...well, I figure somebody had to group with him so I took the hit. Let's face it, it was either me or my friend so I don't know am I stupid or just too nice.

Maybe I just dug my own grave. There's another 3 person group but they refuse to split up to help me form a 3 man group. So the only other person is me, myself, and I. Okay, I'm sure to give him a chance of course at first but I don't know how is it going to turn out.

I face the upcoming semester with uncertainty, half wondering what I got myself into, half determined to fight my way out of it, come hell or high water.

In the end it all boils down to one thing.

How much is it worth to do something you like?

2011-12-31T01:15:00.000+08:00

Been watching lots of movies lately, clearing all those that I've had for a long time but never got the chance to watch. Full Metal Jacket was really good but brings back a load of awful repressed memories I'd rather stay buried. For one thing, I am really really glad I never watched it before NS. I might've renacted the final scene in part 1.

2011-12-22T03:31:00.000+08:00

Had dinner. Was ok. Tried to save money. Almost over budget for this month already. Its nice to get together and all you know but...meh. When u get together and a few people get really engrossed in a really deep, serious conversation, geez what do the rest of us do? It felt like we were sharing the table with some strangers, or two separate groups of friends going out.

I know you all haven't see each other in a while but if you're not going to involve the rest of us, why did we even bother going out together in the first place? I'm sorry, I just seriously got very turned off by it. I hardly think I didn't drop enough hints. "Oh, are we in the conversation now? OH, we're in the chatroom." Maybe I make too many jokes. Maybe it was all a joke to you.

Ok. I can entertain myself. No data connection? Read an e-book. I almost started listening to my MP3. But I didn't. I didn't because a certain particular person (who was there today) does it and I think it is an absolutely disgusting and disrespectful thing to do. And one thing more than that that I hate? Hypocrites. So I kept myself away from the music.

Seriously though, you're out with friends and you walk around with 1 or 2 earbuds stuck in your ear? Are we THAT uninteresting that you have to amuse yourself with prerecorded music of some singer on a track you're probably heard 10 times before? Do you need background music whenever your friends TRY to talk to you? Another major turn-off. It's an insult to those you're out with.

So I closed up shop early today. Read my ebook, wander along. Am I ok? Yes I'm ok. I'm perfectly fine. What I'm turned off by is that when you don't involve everybody and u carry on like that for so long, well we might as well not have been there anyway. I don't know what Ben feels about this. Maybe he's fine with it. But 7 people go out and the coversation goes 3/4. Then what for we go out? Take a group picture for show?

Note: I am not turned off because I wasn't in the conversation. I was turned off by the fact u excluded the 4 other people when it's already hard enough to get everyone out together. Maybe the others don't feel this way. Maybe it's just me.

Ok, it's a serious topic. Ok it's private, maybe it's girls talk. There were two other girls besides us, no? Sigh. You know what, it's my fault. You all can talk to each out in your serious quiet group. I'm being weird eh? I guess I take after my dad in more way than I realise. If he's in a bad mood he'll disappear, wander off, walk away by himself till he's satisfied That explains the wandering and the disappearance. Funny world.

I hope I'm not being presumptuous here by thinking you might apologise, but in the event you all might consider it, no. Please don't. I'm not looking for an apology of any sort and I mean it. I just want you to think about the other 3 people you left out. That is all.

2011-12-21T04:04:00.000+08:00

Some days I don't even know what am I doing any more. I want to do. I don't. Have mood. No mood. On. Off. What is it exactly is it that I am missing? I feel like there's a piece of the puzzle I'm missing. I have things to do. If I can get my mind organised enough to sort my life out. I want to plan. I don't want to plan.

What is my life for anyways? I don't know anymore. The closest analogy I have is of floating down a river, clinging desperately to branches. Sometimes I switch to other debris. But I am always spinning, spinning around. Sometimes the branch points in a certain direction and I head towards there, but then I get turned around by currents till I am lost again.

I am glad I kept this blog. It gives me a place to put my thoughts. I have always liked things to be neat and orderly but my mind's all a-jumble now. I go out with friends. Everything is ok. But then suddenly I lose the feeling. And I feel...nothing. Results came out today. It was...alright I guess. Was super happy after discovering S/U can help me improve my grade. Now I am...I dunno.

Maybe I will wake up in the morning and try to make sense of it all. I am feeling sleepy. It might be the beer. But I only had one pint. I think I shall make a list in the morning. Lists often help to sort out things. I hope. Coming week is busy.

#nowplaying Radiohead - Fake Plastic Trees.

I want more out of this life. :(

I went out with classmates today for dinner. I enjoyed myself. We had dinner and then ice cream and drinks at a pub. It was great. I wish I could have more days like this.

2011-12-11T13:47:00.001+08:00

Yesterday I went on a spending spree! Bought a flash diffuser for $4. YAY. Cheap. I'm gonna mod it to maybe it a bit more functional. I splurged and got myself a intervalometer as well!!! Been eyeing one for a while. Prices ranged from $80 to $145 and I managed to find a store selling them at $75!! YES. Now I can take more timelapses. If there's anyhing else I might want, perhaps a better quality tripod would be good. There's the Sirui branded one at $169. Shall hope to try earn some money for the hols to buy one?UNPUBLISHED DRAFT???

2011-12-03T03:04:00.001+08:00

I need to be doing something better with my days. Kinda. Caught up on a season of Dexter. Been great and all but I have this on-off urge to do something more useful. Got IPT tomorrow so I'll definitely have no mood in the morning. Should find productive things to do as well. =\ Ate a lot of crap today. Crap crap crap. Need to stop. Especially with the IPT shit.I will tell myself after tomorrow when IPT starts.I will exercise ever morning.Go for a run or something.Try to clear IPPT before school starts.Do something productive.Anyway, a friend of mine stopped blogging, kinda because of something I said. Interesting. I mentioned I had a blog and he wanted to know it, but then I told him I don't really do it anymore because I don't have time. The gave him food for thought. So he stopped his 7 yr old blog. =\ He's right about the proliferation of FB and twitter now. Also, if I'm not going to share this stuff with my class (They don't NEED to know so much about me.) Then why blog"? Ironic no?

2011-11-27T23:08:00.002+08:00

For the past 13 weeks I have lived life non-stop from one moment to the next, always with a series of goals in mind. The next assignment, the next project, the next meeting, the next review. Life was a series of obstacles, hoops to jump through, tricks to perform one after the next so you could proceed to the next level to do more tricks. Now that the term is ending, the sudden slowdown in objectives and to-dos is leaving me breathless. It is as though I am running...but the floor has disappeared below me.

Now as the holidays roll about what do I do? I am running but I don't know where do I head. Find a job for a month? I certainly hope so but the initial agony of looking is painful and time consuming. I should probably take a look at some competitions still on. I feel that it is about time to get some work-related experience, but the first step is the hardest. Tomorrow I shall do up some scans of my old sketches. Maybe see what I can upload to Coroflot. Where do I start finding a one month job?

2011-10-30T12:20:00.001+08:00

I haven't blogged in over two weeks? Seems a lot longer than that. Lol. Wow. Anyway got a tough week ahead of me. Exams are coming up and then i realised something. A lot of people are very vocal about hell week. As for me, i dont feel the need to urge to mention it at all. Why?

Haha. Maybe its because im so used to the constant weekly influx of projects and deadlines? This week i stayed in school for 4 days straight and slept only 9 hours to rush out a model. Is that considered hell week? Near-constant work from Mon to Thurs. i still attended a full day of class on Friday.

Next week i need to produce our final model. Last week made me skip my soci readings and lecture. Its all snowballed down to this week. Got 3 sets of readings to clear, 1 webcast to watch and my lecture is on Thursday. Dont know if i got time to attend or will i be rushing my model.

Start CNC my final model on Mon if possble. CAD model needs to be out today hopefully and then we start CNC and eventually put it together, install the components, spray paint, sand, spray paint, sand, repeat. We also need to put together our final presentation for Thursday.

I can skip my User Reasearch for this week but I have to touch up my boards, ad produce 10 A3 pages in a nicely designed folio soon. I need to start on Ecodesign, group meeting, fix on a direction, make a model, and make a presentation before Wednesday.

I also eventually have to rush out a project in the last week of submission because we just cant be damned to care about it. Its the lowest priority one but its due next week. So, to recap:

3 readings
1 webcast
1 lecture
1 meeting
1 direction
1 model
1 presentation
1 CAD model
1 CNC
1 assembly (of model)
1 finishing
1 final presentation
Is this hell week? Is YOURS hell week?

2011-10-11T01:12:00.002+08:00

I'm a fucking idiot. Today I have disgraced myself and my work. This is it. Change course alr. Bombed. Totally fucking bombed. I think maybe it was good that we didn't get to present because our work SUCKED. TOTALLY FUCKING SUCKED. It stank like fucking dogshit rubbed in rotten eggs. Complete fucking rubbish. What's wrong with me? What's wrong with us? We submitted the presentation only to have it FUCKING RIPPED TO SHREDS. WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WHY. We were the ONLY group where there were ABSOLUTELY NO POSITIVE COMMENTS AT ALL. NONE. ZIP. ZILCH. ZERO. NADA. Flat out bombed. Need to address these issues.

OH GOD NONONONONONO I HAVE TO DO WELL. I CAN'T SCREW THIS MOD. I think all of us are too busy with our other projects to care about this. The only one who seems to, I feel that she does it only because it makes her feel good to be seeing things moving, or to make things move. It's like on-off. I'm sorta like co-steering my studio proj, and I think now someone needs to kick this project into gear. We need to fix EVERYTHING. Now that my laptop's up it's time to kick everything into overdrive.

I have become too pampered, too soft, too lazy. Sleep! All I want to do is to get as much sleep as possible. Thanks to the holidays I got used to having plenty of sleep. Well, FUCK SLEEP. DID I CARE ABOUT SLEEP LAST YEAR? FUCK NO. This is a fucking wake up call (pun intended) and sleep should be the last of my priorities. I'm gonna grab all our slides and chuck everything together and work on it till wed.

Then again, I fear I might have completely disgraced myself and my design sensibilities. Dare I show my slides in front of others again? Wallow in self-pity and regret and recoil at the filth I produced? Or try to overcome this as my walls crumble around me and try to rebuild as much as I can, and try to come out of it all. But my confidence is gome; hollowed out, an empty shell. Part of me wants to try, but part of me fears the stench of failure again.

I need strength.

"Graves come later...just remember it's the winners who dig them."

-Wolves of the Calla, Stephen King

2011-10-03T00:29:00.002+08:00

I keep getting the feeling that _________s are egoistic, narcissistic, self-serving, have an over-inflated sense of self, are pretentious and always feel that they are better than you because of all they do. Maybe they don't show it all the time, or maybe I'm seeing it just from a small segment but what I see keeps reinforcing this impression. '-'

2011-10-01T13:15:00.003+08:00

Feeling weird today. Tired? Stressed out? I feel damn weary despite sleeping about 8 hours last night. Maybe I'm stressed out over exchange. I was keen on France until I heard even more info about how it's really really hard to get in. My second choice would have been Italy but now it is full. And their CAP is higher too. So no point. Maybe if I had changed earlier I might have made a safer choice and gotten a chance? But who am I to know? But damn, Italy. =( Still, I'm putting Netherlands first and I really really really hope I can get it. I have always wanted to visit Europe. I WANT TO GO EUROPE.

I want to talk to others but I'm damn busy now. Now desperately trying to cram for my Soci mid term on Thursday. And I have two ongoing projects that have meetings due on Mon. I have to finish all this by Monday. I most likely am able to finish if I devote as much time as I can to doing but the amount of work ahead is daunting and completely ruining my mood. Sigh. There's no drive. I need to push myself!

And I still have to reformat my stupid fucking laptop to 64 bit. I doubt I'll have time for that this week now. Study for my mid term first. And I still have IPT later at 430. Another mood killer. I am too slack. I have gotten used to the good life and getting adequate sleep. Now sleeping little is becoming increasing problematic.

2011-09-25T15:27:00.002+08:00

I AM SO FUCKING ANNOYED RIGHT NOW LIKE YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE.FUCK THIS SHIT MAN FUCK THIS SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. FIRST MY LAPTOP SPOIL NEXT HAVE TO REFORMAT WHEN THEY CALL ON FRIDAY I DIN ANSWER SO I CALL BACK AND GOT A FUCKING MACHINE THAT LED NOWHERE. NOW I HVE TO WAIT TILL MONDAY. I TRIED TO INSTALL GRAPHIC EDITING SOFTWARE ON THE DESKTOP IT DOESN'T READ THE FUCKING CD. I TRIED TO WORK ON MY SIS DESKTOP I CAN'T ROTATE THE CANVAS. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS SHIT. WHY THE FUCK WHY ME. FUCK I HAD HOPED TO FUCKING TRY DOING THIS WORK DIGITALLY AND NOW I TOTALLY CAN'T. FUCK MAN. FUCK LIFE YOU SON OF A BITCH. FUCK EVERYTHING NOW.

2011-09-12T00:44:00.002+08:00

Thank you all for the helicopter! Gonna bring toschool and play. :D Sorry if I appeared kinda sian today. =( I only got 5 hours of slp the night before and still had to do project later. I am gonna go sleep soon cos got no mood. Rest more to do more work tmr in school. Gotta wake up at 845, leave at 930, reach school at 11am.

Feel like playing some TF2 to relax but I need the sleep.

2011-09-08T02:28:00.002+08:00

Been blogging less and less. Means I can't trace back my history. I lost my Angry Birds (red) keychain! It was on my Adidas bag and now it's gone. Because I didn't blog, I no longer remember what's the exact date I last saw it or to narrow down when. I am sad. HP TouchPad has been one of the best things to happen to me recently. It is amazingly useful beyond belief. There may not be a truckload of apps but sufficient for basic stuff and even that is pretty decent to some extent.

The TP has replaced my laptop in the sense that I no longer bring a laptop to school recently. Which is totally awesome. I spent today till late in school finishing up a group project but I came back and didn't do much today. I get the feeling there is more for me to do but I can't put my finger on it. Possibly I feel weird for slacking. I need to work on Illustrator but I totally suck at it so...

2011-09-06T00:30:00.002+08:00

I am damn proud of myself! I finished the soci readings for this week before the lecture! Having a 3 day week end really helps a lot. So now I don't have to lug a bound folio of readings or a text book to school just so I can read on the train! I have finished the task I set out to do, that is, finish my readings before this week's lecture.

Talking to others in my make up tutorial class, I noted they often found the readings to be tedious and did not really go through them. I feel accomplished thanks to this hahaha. Thank goodness my English is pretty decent so I can wade through all the long words and terms. It's all very sleep inducing but I managed to crunch my way through it all over the weekend. Now all I have to bring to school tomorrow is my pencil case and my TouchPad!

2011-08-29T01:53:00.003+08:00

What to do when you're stuck on a project? Spend 3 hours quietly doing readings at Starbucks. Then go home, open up a bottle of Johnny Walker, a can of coke, mix liberally, and everything will feel better.

2011-08-26T00:13:00.002+08:00

Terrible, terrible news. Today's exercise is showcasing our work to the other groups and then we got to grade each other. After performing well in the first similar exercise last year, this time my group is ranked 9 out of 11. FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUU this is bad. Very very bad. We need to buck up. I am declaring a state of emergency. We need reinforcements.

I need to focus. Recently I can't help but switch off whenever other groups go on because there are just so many of us. This can't go on any further. It stops here. FOCUS. FOCUS. FOCUS. WAKE UP AND LISTEN. I need to get my head in the game and start listening and picking up on others. With luck we might be able to get back in the fight. This is not the standard I expect of myself. This is downright pathetic. Knowing the other groups below me they're gonna get a kick out of the results too. We're not going to be the only one fighting to get back in. We need to save ourselves.

I am utterly disgusted with myself. I set so many goals and targets and at the first review by everyone else I bomb. Failure is not an option.

2011-08-14T21:22:00.002+08:00

Had a fun day meeting up with friends I haven't met in ages! =) School has been tiring me a lot lately, so I was really tired today as well. =\ Probably still adapting back to less sleep at night. Need to try and not spend so much this month! After USS and spending about 80 on clothes (retail therapy), combined with people tending to eat at not-cheap places, I'm about to bust my allowance for this month and it's not even halfway yet.

When I was earning money, I didn't spend that much. Now when I'm short on cash, there's so many things I wanna buy. Some extra clothes, a replacement pair of earphones (after I drowned my standard Apple Earphones in the washing machine so many times, it's half broken), and I've been wanted a Bamboo tablet to draw on. Or a Intuos! (ZOMG) But yeah, something like a medium sized Bamboo with pen input might help in digitising sketches?

Anyway my birthday is coming soon so I guess that's an opportune time right?

2011-08-14T01:35:00.004+08:00

Jeez it's just a damn status update.

YES. I am going to sleep.

YES. It is ONLY 140am.

It is in relation to the fact that I am damn tired after having spent the whole first Saturday of school working. I've pretty much been working on the one project for like 12 hours in total today. But sure, you are probably 9000 times worse off. Still, not like I am going to do it everyday. I know, I know, you archi students are the long suffering kids who don't get enough sleep and work through hell, etcetera. I totally understand that and I can sympathise to a certain extent, but don't take it out on me for crying out loud. You chose this path, and I'm not your punching bag. Neither do I want to argue with anyone right now.

You said it yourself, everyone is tired! Okay?

Imagine:

630am. You are waiting for a bus on your way to another boring day of school, when a guy runs by and proclaims: Holiday! Time for me to sleep in everyday! Yay!

Is that something very wrong?

2011-08-11T22:08:00.003+08:00

First day back at school and I am tired already. Soci was ok I guess. Only I have a heck of a lot of readings to go through. =X Did not see anyone I knew till the end of the class. As I left I think I saw a primary school friend who tried to get me into a dubious MLM a year back. (is there anything like a non-dubious MLM?) Of all the people from primary school, secondary school, JC, army, and hall I have to come across, it had to be this fucker. He didn't notice me however, thankfully so I went on my way.

First studio session and I am feeling very lost. Maybe I am rusty from 3 months of inactivity co we have to work with people we have never worked with before. I'm not feeling the chemistry. There's no general direction. One of the new poly students is in my group. Not sure how they work either or if I appear really lousy to them. =\ Hopefully things will pan out in the coming week. Can't wait for the weekend. Gotta get through Friday first, and get my readings done, as well as picking a tutorial.

Those sociologists write really sleep-inducingly.

Well, amendment: Today managed to be sorta productive as well! I suddenly remembered the used textbook forum and that I had to get my Soci text. I logged on but the first few posters had sold theirs so I camped there for a new posting. Didn't buy the $20 one, but got it and a coursepack for $22 which is not too bad. Spare coursepack can be kept in school or something. Also but put up a posting for my old Marketing textbook, untouched which I stated in the title. Booyah! Sold in a few minutes. =)

2011-08-11T00:50:00.002+08:00

Sociology class tomorrow. It's going to be interesting, I hope. I'm gonna be going in all alone, up against something new. I guess you could call it a fresh start. And maybe, it is kinda nice to be somewhere where nobody knows you. You get to be totally anonymous and unburdened by any preconceptions or opinions. You are no one, just another face in the crowd. Two hours of anonymity, quiet learning. This place where you are unknown...gives me an odd sense of freedom.

2011-08-10T01:43:00.002+08:00

School is starting soon. Tomorrow to be exact,considering today is Wednesday. Am I looking forward to it? Should i be looking forward to it? New modules, new classes, new things to learn. It's going to be a new, terrifying new semester. New students in class, the very "imba" poly students who will pretty much own all of us. It's a brave new world, and a very scary one at that. I have to go into it and hope for the best.

Something I don't even know what the hell am I doing.

And I had to pick a mod that starts on Thurs. Damn. So I gotta head down to school earlier than the rest of my class on Thursday for my Sociology lecture then get down to SDE. 12 to 2 soci, then 2-6 studio. Wonder whats in store for soci. Also I'm gonna be attending alone. =\ Need to leave the house at 1030 too, so I have to wake at 930. On the bright side, I have a 4 day week still I guess. Gotta aim for a good tutorial slot!

2011-08-08T22:36:00.002+08:00

I just need to get away from it all.

Having a really really awful bad headache right now.

2011-08-05T02:26:00.002+08:00

So. Bidding for round 2B is over, and thank goodness the demand for SC1101E did not exceed the supply for it! So managed to get the module at 1 point. When you're allocated as little points as we are in SDE, you try to conserve it. =X So I can sorta treat this as me saving 111 points than if I'd gotten film. I do look forward to seeing the films my friends make though. Haha. And do sorta wish I'd know what film would I have made.

BUT to make this 1 point worthwhile, I need to remind myself to do my best and do well for this mod. I know there's a way to fit opportunity cost in here somewhere, but I'll be damned if I can remember. Last time I touched econs was in '07. So instead of film, I'll be doing the introduction to sociology and I have to make sure I can do it. So ladies and gentlemen, here's to me being a good sociopath!

Oh. That's not the word I'm looking for right? Must be watching too much Dexter. It is bloody good.

2011-08-03T14:55:00.003+08:00

Sigh. Nothing is going right. You soldier on, you keep going, and try to bear the weight of it all. You try to grin and bear it. But thing keep falling apart. How long can you keep going? To be the master of disguise.

Failed my bid for SSA2218, Singapore film. By 10 points. 10 fricking points. Now I have to resort to bidding in round 2B just because I was stupid enough to think I was safe with 102 points. I should have just dumped in all my chips and gone all in. So now I have to contend for one of the last few slots in a class with all the Arts people who have a shitload of points to play with. I can only hope I get it and I'm damn afraid I'll blow a lot of points on it.

Way to go, gambling the rest of my education on that stupid 102 points. If I had been smarter I wouldn't have to go through the stress and tension of these two days until Thursday. And even then the nightmare is not over because I still have to see how many points will get me that class. Fuck man, seriously.

And then I thought I would be able to go to this Microsoft event on National day and get the chance to shoot some firework photographs. But I only saw the post at night after checking Facebook. And there are only 50 places. BUT they said they would keep the form open and close it after they maxed out. But they LIED. I happily signed up and only found out today that it was already full. So, FUCK. Another disappointment. Again. Great. Brilliant. Outstanding. IF only I had had a chance to sign up earlier but NOOOOOOOOOO. Everything is NOT. GOING. RIGHT.

Please. Give me a better start to year 2. I need this.

2011-07-24T22:09:00.001+08:00

Bored. Spent my whole day online, killing time. Still coughing non-stop and my voice is quite bad. Don't feel like going back to school tomorrow. =(

2011-07-24T01:14:00.001+08:00

Ended aki/id camp. Tired and lost my voice but had fun. Sigh. Listening to new music by The Submarines. Trying to dl some other songs but it keeps getting interrupted. So frickin' irritating. Rar.

2011-07-17T03:39:00.002+08:00

Do wish that I'd spent more time with my class this holiday. The previous one was spectacularly awesome. Sadly it isn't to be this one. Everyone's just busy doing their own thing. =\ On the bright side, I did have fun organising the orientation camp, and met lots of new friends. =) So that's something.

Hopefully this bunch for new friends are here to stay, not become the eventual hi-bye kind. Surprisingly, this bunch is free enough that we've gone on a few outings already so it's pretty great. Over dinner the other night we talked about, and also inevitably school stuff. It was very insightful I guess. Got to know a bit more about what the environment of other courses are like, compared to the enclosed world of ID.

As mostly they talked, (I listened) some things really made sense and I came to the eventual realisation of a couple things. I have to learn to come to terms with a few points.

I have to come to terms with the fact that I am actually, less awesome than I had hoped. I don't have spectacular grades. Regardless of how much I love this course, I am not LEGENDARY at it.

I have to come to terms with the fact that there are people much much better than me. They get a LOT of 'A's. They do amazingly well. Some may even complain that they scored a little badly on this or that, but I have to accept that, annoying as it may be.

I have to come to terms with the fact that I mix with some people who do really well. I may not do as well as them right now, and I have to learn to accept that fact. It's part of what comes with hanging out with them. You feel a lot of pressure on yourself to try to match that certain standard. and what you can't, sometimes it's really hard to accept that. You tend to be a lot more harsh on yourself. And it's good. I want to push myself. I want to excel. But sometimes when you keep disappointing yourself, it's really hard to handle.

I have to come to terms with the fact that I sorta trying to catch up. But I will NOT BE DISHEARTENED. Right now I have to keep pushing myself. I am motivated. I must remember this. Never. Give. Up. I am going to keep pushing and pushing and pushing all I can. I will not give up. I will aim to get the best I can out of me. Death or glory, people.

This sem has been rough at times. But in the end I managed to pull my cap up. So there's that. I just gotta keep pushing and trying to pull it up more. Results aren't everything for us, so I gotta make sure the standard of my work is there too. Gotta keep the momentum up or even higher if possible next sem. In fact I have to brace myself. This sem was rough, but next year is said to be tougher.

Don't think I've mentioned this before. One of the projects we did, I stayed up overnight with my group. While they grabbed sleep, I was up trying to lay out the format for our presentation. The next morning before our final presentation, I was on my laptop trying to lay out some final touches. One of the tutors sarcastically remarked about me working and I had to shut my laptop. I felt so damn angry. So stressed and angry. I was on Whatsapp with friends and I complained. They told me to vent in the chat room, so I did. And I felt so much better. So much relief. Like a weight was being lifted. All that pent up emotion finally found a release, and I didn't even know how messed up I felt until then.

2011-07-11T03:02:00.001+08:00

Feel so socially inactive. Stopped chionging LOTRO because I've managed to catch up with my other friend. also he's in the army so I guess I shouldn't level up too fast. Been spending time at home playing computer games and watching Fringe. Seems so...lifeless. =(

2011-07-07T16:21:00.002+08:00

Hmm updates? Nothing much been killing time playing LOTRO. It's good that I joined FOC though because I get to know more people now. Once in a while it's good to make new friends rather than stay stagnant. Get to knowand go out with new people. However I also am grateful for my tiny little ID world. The bigger world of school and interpersonal realtionships outside of us is so much more complicated. ID seems so much more peaceful now and I'm thankful for that.

2011-06-22T00:47:00.002+08:00

=\...=)?

Haven't blogged in ages. Life's been alright. Usual helping out with stuff for the camp. Going out once a while.

2011-06-06T23:31:00.002+08:00

The grad show for my seniors is being held soon, opening on the 10th of June. It drives home the point that the road I am on has an eventual end and I am to strike out on my own after that. Somehow, it hasn't sunk into me, I feel. Looking at the mention of their works, I worry about my own.

I like what I do and I have no qualms about joining the industry as such. But I worry whether I am good enough. I feel I need to produce work of better standard. That I am not achieving anything at all. My CAP isn't that great. Hanging out with some of the top scorers in my class does not make me feel any better at all. It makes me wonder about the standards about my work. I need to push myself harder. I felt this way after I received my results last semester.

Granted, there was improvement, but it is not enough. I need to keep this thought in mind and push myself further and outdo myself. If not, there is no way things are going to improve. I have to do better than this. So many people did well. Why can't I be just the same? If it comes at the expense of my life and social interaction, then so be it.

Yes, CAP is not everything. Precisely that is why we don't have a bell curve. Your grades are the actual reflection of your work. Your work is key because it's what you need to show people. And my work is...not enough.

2011-06-05T22:41:00.005+08:00

It's not you, it's me.

Maybe it's time to come clean. The feelings that I have had...have changed. We just don't feel like the friends we are (perhaps 'were' is the more appropriate term?) anymore. But is that such a big surprise? Not so, in an age where according to some, "MSN and Facebook define friendship." Something along those lines.

Go ahead and leave me.
I think I prefer to stay inside.

That incident was the first major rift that we had. And once the the cracks appear, sometimes you can't stop them from spreading. You just don't know when. No matter how you glue them over, no matter how you try to whitewash it, you can't hide from the fact that something somewhere, deep beneath, was fractured and was never fixed.

I'm being dreadfully honest here.

Because I have nothing to hide, no reason to keep up pretences anymore. Things are not 100% OK and for months we've gone on pretending that they are. Don't bother asking what, it's way too late to fix it. Right after the first incident, months have gone by without any improvement so I guess we all just gave up on trying. Of course we can limp on; there is no question of that.

Well here we are again,
It’s always such a pleasure,

Except. Events in the past few months have pushed things further to the edge. Maybe we have all grown blind to each other. To fight and quarrel over such stuff and to risk our friendship over such things is such a waste. And yet we do it. Yes, I have played a part. Played a part in these pointless roundabout cycles where we argue, things escalate, "Fuck"s are thrown about in the conversation (one particularly memorable) and then a round of apologies after.

A few days later, we do it all again. Now and then, we do it again and it comes to the point that nothing can be resolved. We all need to take a step back. I know a couple of us have issues. Those are the things we need to be talking to each other about. Not...stuff like the above. And in the end I am guilty as well. Throughout our conversation, there have been things running through my mind. Many, many, things that ought not be said. Though I kept my fingers in check lest irreparable damage be done, in the end the sarcasm in my statements is something that I left in. And maybe that is something that I really ought to have looked more at, because it may have had more of an effect than I intended it to.

Goodbye, my only friend,
Oh, did you think I meant you?
That would be funny if it weren’t so sad,
Well you have been replaced,
I don’t need anyone now,
When I delete you maybe I’ll stop feeling so bad.

And yes, that is entirely my fault because sarcasm or not, I should have toned it down. We are (were?) friends after all. And of course, revelation (shock! horror!) that during our last outing, well, things just didn't feel like the way they used to. Did I seem more dead? I don't know. It sure felt like I did. It just doesn't feel the same anymore. First of all, I highly doubt it was because of the above incidents. At least to me it isn't. I just simply don't feel the same way.

Oh boy this is going to make future outings(if any) awkward.

That's why I say it's not you, it's me. By no means is this an unfriend notice(God forbid; it's not even 3am yet(yet another reminder of past events)) but merely a...notice. Of course I would kindly appreciate if I would still be invited to future outings (if any) since I don't want to let the past years go to waste. Maybe circumstances will change.

Now these points of data make a beautiful line.

Recently I went out with a group of uni friends, and my secondary school friends. Compared to our last recent outings, nope, no meeting-long-time-friends feeling. So I figured, if I'm not lying to myself, maybe I shouldn't be lying to you all. And today's incident just started this post I guess. Like I said earlier, I know some of us have issues. This isn't to antagonise you at this moment or to make you feel worse. You don't have to do anything about this. It's purely my problem. This is to clear things out and lay it all on the table so we all know what's going on. I don't feel any better by doing this.

"Oh, how we laughed and laughed,

Except I wasn’t laughing,"

-Want You Gone, GLaDOS, Portal 2

2011-06-04T23:47:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was fairly awesome. Went to ECP to make sushi lol. Unfortunately I alighted at the other end of the park. Ughhhh. We did make awesome sushi though. Yay! :D Then we went cycling for a few hours then headed to Eunos to try Vegan Burg. Vegan fast food. It was quite nice! The mock patty really tasted like normal meat. lol. Then we travelled to Siglap for dessert. Had half-price cake at Cafe Cartel. Got back sooo late there was no public transport I had to walk home. But it was a fun day. =)

2011-05-31T14:51:00.003+08:00

Results were meh. At best, acceptable only. But it's really hard to get over when you realise some people do SO much better. Like getting A+ for our 8 MCs mod. TWO A+ in total. Dammit. You really feel like crap. In a large course with a few hundred people, it's easier to accept the fact that at the very end of the bell curve, there is a very tiny minority of people who do insanely well, but you may not know them personally. In such a tiny course when u see everyone everyday and you know someone who got mind-blowing over-the-top results it's a bit hard to look at yourself in the mirror.

2011-05-24T16:44:00.001+08:00

Stuck at home today. =\ It feels like one of the lows of the holidays. Dunno what to do. Wanted to see if can copy over TV shows from Ben but then it's a bit pointless cos I won't be able to follow them when sch starts. I wanted to get to work on my RC car but the screws are so DAMN tight. I couldn't open. Either that or my screwdriver at home a bit crappy le. Sigh. Gonna go run later. Got nothing else planned for wed too. How? Maybe I'll go out to Starbucks with a book and my laptop and stay there the whole day.

2011-05-23T22:24:00.002+08:00

Had meeting in sch today. Carried my RC car home today. Gonna start work on it soon. Haha. Also, someone told us he was diagnosed recently with...cancer. It's a bit shocking really. Like he said, you often hear about it, but you never think of it happening to you. It's the first time I've known anyone who had it personally, so it's quite saddening. I hope he pulls through, because it's still in the early stage. And at our age. I wish you all the best man. Good luck.

2011-05-17T22:18:00.002+08:00

Went and did some static excercises today. I can do 7 chin ups! OMG. Its like a small miracle consider how long I haven't done any. Almost a year. Hahaha. Thank goodness. I expected to do less. But I need to train up more for that stupid IPPT at end May. My running sucks.

Holiday is a time of contrasts. I feel free. I feel bored. I want to slack. I want to have a goal. I want to relax. I have nothing to do. It's both good and bad. I'm just gonna enjoy myself till it ends I guess. It's gonna be a tough sem and I'm taking all the rest I can. Yet, slacking is synonymous with spending money. =( I should keep up with sketching as well.

2011-05-13T01:44:00.000+08:00

Been slacking and doing nothing much but have fun in the holidays. YES. Finally relaxing to the MAX. Cue Bruno Mars' Lazy Song. Went SL Sq to buy a 2.1 speaker system for my lappy. Now I am enjoying my music. The bass is sick! I turned it down but it can make my cupboard vibrate zomg. I turn it up and my room sounds like a club le hahaha.

2011-05-09T11:57:00.000+08:00

Haven't blogged in ages. Busy mugging for my exams. LAst few days were intolerable. Thank goodness it's finally over! I'm just going to play and play for now! It's a well deserved break! I also have to assimilate one year's accumulated worth of stuff into my room. =(

2011-04-28T00:37:00.002+08:00

Yes ergo is done! I hope I manged to do ok for it. =X After ergo went to Suntec Starbucks to study with a few friends. Not too bad. Got nice seats and a power point. I started off without having really memorised, but as we went on I made quite a bit of progress. That's why I like studying in groups, or at least group discussions before the paper. It is immensely useful. People point out stuff u miss, vice versa. You spot crucial things while discussing, and the overall benefit is quite large. If possible I hope to have group discussions before my exams now.

Had dinner at Subway, walked around Millenia Walk. Furniture shop Space closed down =( went to Starbucks for another round before going back. Having another session tomorrow. After Friday, last paper!

2011-04-25T00:38:00.002+08:00

I am...studying for my exams and sketching. Exams making me a little edgy and at times I wanna snap at people but I try not to. =X Anyway...I just downloaded the theme song to Ratatouille, and now I wanna watch the film. Also, I'm in love with French music. It's just so...nice. The language is so beautiful. I don't understand but damn it's lovely. Reminded me why I always wanted to learn French.

It's this...particular genre. But I don't know what to call it. So I did a Google search, and got on Last.fm. Started working out for me after a few songs. These songs are so light and bubbly...and help to cheer me up somewhat. ^^ I feel good listening to them. Amélie-Les-Crayons and Cœur de Pirate are my two favourite. The closest I can approximate it to is...French Indie. No matter, I LOVE IT and I want more. I shall hunt out more when I'm free. Back to sketching accompanied by music!

2011-04-23T04:03:00.003+08:00

Not counting earlier, it has been days since I last blogged. What's happened in between? Wednesday was final submission of my models, of particular disappointment is my perfume bottle, but what's done is done. Sigh. At least I packed up and went back to play Portal 2 on Tuesday night. Lol. After submission, I packed up much of the unwanted stuff lying around. Then some of us went to have lunch at the kopitiam opposite vivo. After that...we walked around a bit and eventually decided to take the new boardwalk to sentosa for fun.

It really is very nice. It looks pretty cool and arty. lots and lots of wooden planks laid out in nice curvatures. They said it must've taken some poor guy forever to CAD out the thing. Lol. We walked there, sat down halfway and just talked about stuff. Nice to have some time off for a while. Then went back to hall after. Tried to sleep without alarm. Somehow woke up at 10am still what the hell. Went to Central Lib for lunch with friends, went to study. Slept till 11 the next day. Studied till Fri. And now it's Saturday. 5 more chapters of Ergo and 2 chapters of History await me. And more sketches.

I feel like sleeping. I want to sleep. But I have so much left to do that it's pushing me to complete it sigh. Must endure for the next two weeks.

2011-04-23T00:06:00.002+08:00

I cannot believe-or maybe I should be surprised that so many people are suddenly taking the election so seriously. Did being 21 wrought some mystical change in us? The ancient powers of democracy brought to us by the Greeks? It's making us fight among ourselves. This is...I don't know. I need to get back to studying. That's the most important thing in my mind right now. Sigh.

2011-04-19T06:26:00.002+08:00

D-1: 1 day before final submission.
A broken model makes for a broken man.

The bitter taste of defeat at 6am in the morning. A whole night's work wasted. An atrocity I dare not acknowledge as my own. What bastard model did I bring forth into this world? I had high hopes for you. I spent the day trying out various ways to wrap styrene round my model. It looked promising but I couldn't get it to work out.

Eventually late in the evening I switched to another design. Seemed to work. Sure, I din't really like it like the previous, but whatever works. I tried to make some nicer templates to wrap around. Then when making it, I found out the hot styrene had warped and deformed the main part of my model (a plastic egg made out of polypropylene). The egg was partly ruined. Looking back I suppose I can be thankful the entire thing didn't just break apart.

That was the last straw though. I really couldn't see the point in carrying on further in this course, but I have no more time. I have to carry on with what I have. So I just did. Spent the whole night trying to fix the styrene base, puttying, and sanding and and spraying it. Then at 6am I insert the main egg part and the styrene (being too small) cracks open. Voila. There you go.

Emergency repair efforts like filling it with putty have been done and I'm going to work out how to spray the damn thing later. But that's it for me. I've had it with this horrible thing. I get the feeling I'm carrying on down a road filled with disaster and it's only going to get worse as I go on. There' no point in continuing in this course of action so I'm going to take the first exit. My model is pretty much held together by spit and prayers so I expect it will be one of the worst ones on Wed. Only my other work can save me now.

Maybe there's a way to save it. I don't want to give up. I hate to do so. But I really don't feel like pushing my way down this path. Sigh.

2011-04-17T23:57:00.000+08:00

Disaster! Panic in the kingdom. Went for breakfast today morning agaimst my better judgement because im running low on time. After that, returned to school at about 1.

I slept at 5 last night and woke at 9. Spent my afternoon sanding that one egg-shaped piece of wood and dozing off. Regained enough energy that way to wake up in the late afternoon. Sanded till night.

Went for dinner and then came back. Finally was able to finish the wood and tried to vaccuum form in. Failed in many ways. Succeeded in a few. But overall i need to redo it again. I broke the formed plastic to extract my mold. I'm going to try again later. This has to work! Submission on wed.

2011-04-16T23:22:00.002+08:00

Another day in school. Staying over tonight. Till Monday. Expected to see more people but there wasn't that many. That means tomorrow will be damn crowded. So I must chiong my work today so I don't have to compete with everyoneso much tomorrow. Roar. Anyway there's a lot of work to do also. Sigh. And I sanded the lacquer down wrongly twice so I have to waste time to wait for my lacquer to dry.

2011-04-16T01:15:00.001+08:00

OMG I haven't blogged in a week? This week has been crazy, submissions everyday. We clear one and move on to the next immediately. It's all passed by seemingly so quickly because we spent so much time doing work. Finally on Thursday when we got a breather I looked back and realise I can strike off a lot of stuff off my to-do list. I don't know how we made it.

I also lost my wallet (found it but no cash) KNS but I don't wanna go into that anymore. Damn sian. And I took a break yesterday and today so I got a lot of work to do for this weekend.

2011-04-09T14:49:00.001+08:00

OMG you are seriously damn irritating. I am going to take a deep breath and ignore ALL your crap. No Facebook replies unless absolutely necessary and no tweets. You have worn our your welcome within a week of joining twitter. Congrats.

2011-04-09T04:15:00.002+08:00

Sigh. I haven't blogged in so long. Things have been pretty hectic with lots of projects final submission coming up. Everyone's been trying to juggle everything and allocate equal effort ot all of them but it's not easy. I'm still sketching the work I didn't do last week. I have to finish it by tonight. Or. Today morning. Roar. I suppose I'll head to school a little later tomorrow. Everyone is rushing for Remotes submission on Monday. Still a few more weeks to exams.

2011-04-05T01:46:00.002+08:00

Ok, so school was alright I guess. Found a bit of motivation for me to start working today. Remotes project is going fine. Came home and sketched too. I most likely can finish sketching but I have some stupid compulsory hall dinner tomorrow night. I guess I'll go for that I guess. The food oughta be better. I does mean most likely I'll miss sketching though. DAMMIT. And I think I can finish it lor. Sigh. Oh well, gonna go shower and tomorrow gonna go do more work in school. Holidays seem so near yet so far.

2011-04-03T18:51:00.002+08:00

So.. on Sat morning we were supposed to go out for some exhibition. Thing is, it was cancelled the night before and no one actually told me. =.= Somehow I got left out of the loop so, yeah. Travelled all the way to Bugis for nothing. Zzz. Headed back to hall and stayed there to do my work. Next left in the afternoon to go for CMB comm treat. It was fun. =) Went to PS to buy food then headed to Barrage. We had a picnic, took pictures, and played with sparklers.

Did you know u cannot play with sparklers at the barrage? Apparently its a government building so no naked flames are allowed. =\ Well at least we got a nice shot out of it lol. After that we had the most random drinking session ever. On the bus home:

A: Eh we can go to Clarke Quay and transfer to Vivo take bus home faster.

K: Clarke Quay can go drink le.

G: Eh ya, I don't mind leh.

Really ar?

A: [Press bell]

Eh really ar? That's it you know.

So we alighted and went to Clarke Quay HAHA, Super impropmptu. Then went to Yello Jello which was quite nice. =D Opened a bottle of Chivas. Drank until my limit. =X We cabbed back and I slept till 1 plus. In school now but the weather is SO HOT. I don';t have mood to work like this but I seriously have not enough time.

2011-04-01T23:51:00.002+08:00

Feeling too tired to complain about what I blogged about this morning. Live and let live? Or something I guess. Anyways, good for venting a bit so I feel better. Spent my entire day in school doing work. =\ Juggling two projects. Damn tired, particularly mentally. Ends up with me not being in the best of moods and sometimes my class only makes it worse. But I just try to keep moving on and not show it. Tiring business, it is.

Worked till 9 plus when I got tired of staring at the screen and decided to return to my room. I think I lost my matric card. I can't find it in my wallet. Dammit. Going to be hard to leave and enter hall. Sigh. Might need a new one unless if I can find it or someone returns it. =\ Even staring at the screen makes me tired. I really feel like turning in for an early night but there's so much work to do. And I'm going out tomorrow morning so that's time gone. Plus another thing for hall that I have to go for tomorrow evening. =S I'll have to burn through tomorrow night I guess.

Time is running out. Deadlines in 2 weeks.

2011-04-01T11:12:00.004+08:00

I got to thinking that all persons are but pathetic sacks of flesh and gristle and disgusting fluids. Our delusions of cleanliness and nobility are the basest of lies, the world teems with hypocrisy and falsehood and loosing the pitcocks of humanity in order to free the fluids is the greatest honesty of all.

-Twisted, Johnathan Kellerman

I have had to just about up to here with some of you people. -Takes a deep breath- This is some of the SHIT I have to put up with from some of you.

Conversation with groupmate:

A: Me

B: Another guy

C: Wonderful groupmate

A: So since we wanna discuss project, we go watch movie le go Starbucks discuss lor!

C: Ya ya ok!

B: Agreed!

-5 mins later-

B asks C if she confirm going.

C: [sullen] No , no not going le, movie more important that project...you all go watch movie. Tonight no need discuss le.

WTF. =.=

I ask her why she not going then she repeated the same sarcastic line to me. Wah change mood 180 degrees. So later we decided since we had free time, let's discuss the project first.

I went other to groupmate D and B came along and C eventually. We tried to discuss a bit. C just kept quiet. Since we were like waiting for someone to start, I decided to go and try and talk about stuff we needed to do. C still kept quiet. Then halfway I said:

Cos since no one wanted to start I thought I'd get the ball rolling.

C: WAHHH You get the ball rolling wor! Go go, now the ball with you.

A: [complacently] Yes I get the ball rolling la. Of course.

I admit it willingly and confidently because it's true NO ONE was starting.

I'd go into more but I don't wanna want to step into personal grounds here and it's not right. Oh and after that, C started discussing like nothing new happened. WAH happy happy do work not happy then show black face. Win liao lor.

---

Oh yes by the way, I just fucking flared up in class. This is why I try to control myself always. I try not to scold people. I try not to get angry. I try not so show I'm angry. It's for the good of us all. Some of my classmates get easily agitated. I try to keep things laid back. I remember that whatever happen, it's not in the here and now, it's for the NEXT 3 YEARS, and with the SAME 30 people in this SAME small space.

My group mate is here. I'll go on later. Bye.

2011-04-01T01:59:00.001+08:00

Things are getting complicated in class. Sigh. One of my group mates was totally damn horrible today but I shan't go into more because I'm tired and I need my sleep. I've been having a really bad headache since the evening due to lack of sleep. Things are just complicated in the class dynamics right now.

2011-03-31T01:04:00.002+08:00

Haven't had time to blog! I stayed in school from Monday to Wednesday. My reward now is that I actually managed to finish my handle early and can actually come back to my room to sleep before final submission. That must be a first. Not only that, I still went to find XW and ben for dinner. Feeling a bit sleepy so I shall go off soon.

I've been working long hours these few days, and only slept 2.5 hours on Monday night. Because I that, I fell asleep while sanding at 3am on Tues night. Woke up with the wooden block in my hand and pain in my ear from lying on the hard table. =\ Literally sand until fall asleep. So I slept 5 hours that night. Today managed to finish off my handle in the early evening so I decided to leave and take a break. Tomorrow will be my final submission, wish me luck!

2011-03-27T13:51:00.003+08:00

Oh boy. Things are getting confusing. =( Even though there's less stuff to handle now, everything is rushing in, all the deadlines and stuff all in the same period and EVERYTHING is equally important. I have given up on prioritizing different tasks because they're all about the same. Now it's all about which deadline is earlier. Sigh. Next week is going to be hell. Let me get everything sorted out.

On Monday we have ergo and remotes, so I have to finish my remotes by TODAY, or else there won't be enough time for us to finish. Ergo is also in progress too. By Tuesday, I have to finish my sketches and my marketing assignment. So I had better try to do my marketing by TODAY as well. Sketches, not so urgent. Wed I have modelling so I have to start on Mon when the wood arrives. So Mon I have to work on my model + finish sketching. Thursday is final submission for my handle!!! So in between all that I have to work on my handle. Where do I find time? Maybe Mon or Tues or Wed. It's like there's not enough time to finish attending to everything.

It's like you're standing in the middle of a crossroad, and all around you are several trains heading towards your location. If you don't control them well, you're going to end up crushed and mangled in a massive trainwreck.

As the sem ends, I'm losing my drive and motivation. I think it's because I'm getting worn out from the constant work. The constant pressure. The constant weeks in school. The constant lost weekends. The constant lack of sleep. The neverending chain of tasks. It's been wearing me down since the beginning of school, and I can only maintain it for so long. To just keep working and working and working non-stop week after week after week. I've lasted pretty long ESPECIALLY juggling hall stuff along with school, but eventually there's only so much you can sustain, and all my drive is getting worn away. 3 more weeks to the end.

Still no mood to work.

2011-03-26T21:14:00.002+08:00

SO MANY THINGS TO DO. Ok. One by one. Went for lorry supper which was awesome. I was the only guy from my floor who went. =.= Really ghost level sia. Stayed till 6plus and reached hallat close to 7. Slept. Wanted to wake up early to go my friend's place for her birthday but I didn't hear my phone ring when my friend called!! Went down and thought I overshot but didn't actually. Travelled in one circle.

Eventually reached, so it was alright. Gave her my gift, had cake, then we all went upstairs. Left some time later, then went back to school. I wanted to sleep but after showering didn't feel sleepy. I totally wanted a break but my friends we all far away in the east. =( Seeing as how the oppotunity cost of going there is so far, I decided to entertain myself (as usual) and watched a moviev from my hard drive. While doing my laundry. Also transferring pictures from my camera now.

I have to next finish my segment of the marketing report, and do my individual assignment due next week. =( And also work on my models! So many things! Sigh. Ok time to get started.

2011-03-24T22:47:00.000+08:00

Sch was ok. Decidedv to take a break so I went home after class today. haha. Need to head down to sch tomorrow still though.

2011-03-24T01:29:00.003+08:00

Haven't blogged in a while. Back in sch working on stuff for tomorrow. Felt sleepy so I hit the coffee once more. Now I'm back with reinforcements. Half a bag of Nescafe 3-in-1. Presentation was quite ok I guess. Was damn glad to finish it. I went back to hall and slept 4 hours. AWESOME. Yeah. Then went back to school for sketching class. I guess rushing out my sketches paid off in that I could actually sleep after presentation. Yay!

After that went back to hall for CMB stuff. The concert is over today! That marks the end of all my hall stuff! Finito. No more. It's been a rough ride, with my committee not being the most helpful, but I do miss the people in main comm. It's been a fun ride with them (only). I am somewhat glad that I'm rid of all hall commitments now though. I did feel a bit sad to end today's concert still.

Anyway after the intense rush for Tuesday's final presentation and the non-stop overnight slog, I've somewhat lost some steam so I need to push myself a bit more to do my work. Need to organise my to-do list, bump up priorities, focus on the more pressing tasks and put my shoulder to the wheel once more. I want a break but there's no time to stop now.

"Soldier On
Soldier On
Keep your heart, close, to the ground

Don't think about it at all
Just keep your head low
Don't think about it at all"

-Soldier On, The Temper Trap

Need to work on my handles and produce a nice new set for my tutor tomorrow to review. Also need to work on 10 more remotes for Monday. Finish my sketches over the weekend. And work on my marketing individual assignment! And work on Ergo group project. Friday I shall have to run some errands, if I can't do so on Thursday. Friday night is Lorry Supper for hall. Whee! Looking forward to it! Saturday is Mal's birthday. Guess I can't sleep much then hahaha.

2011-03-22T03:44:00.003+08:00

In school. Doing project. Running on caffeine. My team member have slept a bit but I haven't. Not yet. I'm dying from doing the super tedious referencing part and links to all our pictures. So near yet so far. Almost done. Come on!!!

2011-03-21T03:51:00.002+08:00

HAHAHA joke. A fricking joke. See, some of my cell members in my CCA are well, shall we say cannot make it most of the time. Granted, sometimes they do chip in, but a lot of the time they never reply smses, emails, etc. And have trouble doing work too. Of them all, this dick is the worst and he is so notorious that even the main comm know about him, without me really saying much. That's how bad it is. Can tell from his attitude too when forcing him to do work. Like asking him to kill himself.

Background of this smart guy: we needed to send down two members to help another hall's production. He was chosen but he didn't reply smses or calls. I was in school, BUT another main comm member saw him in hall and asked him to go. His response: No. I don't want to go. Why? I don't feel like going. -Applause- Bravo. Now here we have evidence of his attitude. Not just to me but to others. So today I email him with another job. He shoots back this self-righteous email. Hahaha. What a joke. Names have been changed to protect privacy.

"Hi X and Y,

Thanks for delegating the job of video production job to me. However, I would like to reject the offer as I never find myself a good fit in publicity com due to the lack of both photoshop and video editing skills.

Also, I felt my previous efforts in CMB was not appreciated as reflected in the CCAs points allocated to me. This claim is not vague as I swear that I have done each and every task ordered by publicity IC, KennethBEFORE the points allocation to my best ability with every bits of skills that I have.

I am even more disappointed with CMB when I heard rumours telling that I was allocated the lowest points in the whole Com despite all my efforts. Although this might not be true or I did not really contributed as much, but certainly, I knew I do not deserve such low points after I did a quick check around people I know and also some close seniors.

I sincerely apologized for not contributing to Rockfest because I was really angered by this matter as it may cost me my hall stay next year.

To keep matter within the com, I have decided not to cc Z after a long consideration.

Thank you Y for giving me an opportunity to work with CMB. Feel free to talk to me personally if anyone of you found it is necessary.

A. "

A is for ass. And you, sir, are one. Can I get an amen to that? Come on, what do you take us for? Fools? Yeah, each and every task, after ignoring 90% of everything or saying no to it. Best of your ability? Yeah, if your mental concept of removing the decorations after the concert = plucking everything off the wall and throwing it on the floor. Even our CHAIRPERSON also knows because she PICKED UP after you. Please. Your best ability could be outperformed by a trained monkey.

Meh. Oh well, I'll be free of hall after this sem, for better or for worse. It's been an experience I guess, but I don't have the time to dedicate to it. I have two very extreme perceptions of hall. It could sway either way really. All depends on fate, and the path you take.

Anyways I oughta get to sleep soon. Need to finish off my remotes tomorrow and also to work on the history project. And got another hall thing at 1120 so I can't go school early.

2011-03-20T13:18:00.002+08:00

I got no mood to do work again! =( Sigh. Sian.

2011-03-20T02:50:00.000+08:00

Beer. Drink it fast = happy. =) Heh. Way to improve one's mood from all the work. Artifically. =X

2011-03-18T17:28:00.005+08:00

220AM. Chillaxing. Feels kinda nice. While waiting for the glue to dry on my model. Sitting back in my swivel chair (yes i got a cushioned swivel chair at my seat! :D) and just listening to music. Waiting for the glue to dry. Sigh. Hope I can solve the printing problem solved somehow tomorrow. Having to deal with hall and sch work is getting on my nerves.

---

Did some work today. Stagnating...on-and-off. Well, work is still work. Better than nothing. It's been an okay day but I'm hoping to pick up the pace later tonight. I did something silly and left my A3 folder in my room when I left today. =.= Oh well I guess I can go back for dinner and pick it up later when I return. I sorta wanna stay over tonight. I'm not asking anyone else though. Feel like I need the alone time. Wonder if anyone else is staying though. I kinda hope not. The solitary mood is growing on me. Hope I can do more tonight.

Need to work on my handle, plant, and bottle.

---

AHHH FUCK WHY MUST EVERYTHING GO WRONG WHEN I PRINT STUFF. FUCK THIS SHIT. FUCK HALL FUCK IT MAN. I went to print out some posters ytd and only realised late at night that I only collected 7 out of 20 posters. WTF. That cost me $10! So today I went to reprint. Then my ezlink ran out of cash. I tried to top up at CLB and back in Sheares Hall. All the machines refused to accept my card! WTF. SRSLY WTF MAN. It's a frickin' ezlink card issued by NUS and both machines don't accept it. FUCK. So now I don't have enough cash to fucking top up my ezlink card, so I can't print. And I don't have a fucking cashcard. And now they kp-ing me about the poster. Everything is fucked up and going wrong OKAY?!

2011-03-17T21:41:00.002+08:00

Well. I guess I got the break my body wanted (not exactly what I was hoping but still,) it was a good break. I woke up at 830 to switch my alarm. Somehow my mind tricked me into believe it was the alarm to switch off my phone charger. So I switched it off and went back to sleep. I keep the blinds closed in my room so it's always dark. =X

Until my phone's whatsapp kept getting spammed by ben and xw. I was wondering why the hell were they so energetic in the morning. Then I saw the clock. 11am. OMG MEGA OVERSLEEP. =S I wanted to rush down to school but then realised that I would be v late plus I had nothing to show for class. Then decided to join them for an impromptu meeting at Vivo. Felt super guilty about ponning class. =S

Nevertheless I had fun going out for once, had lunch and Ben and Jerry's and walked around a bit. Lol. I guess it was a well-deserved break cos ben says I look better than I did our last outing. Yet, it still was 'illegal' cos it was a school day. Pon studio and lecture. =S Gonna go back to sch tomorrow still for project though. Need to rush out some work so I can show my tutor tomorrow.

2011-03-17T00:29:00.003+08:00

Ahh just came back from Rockfest. It was fairly decent in the end. I think we managed to put up quite a show and the turnout was quite good. I think everyone enjoyed themselves. =) That's one event down. Whew. Came back to hall after...was quite busy. So many things to read, so many emails to clear and still got a bit of work to do. Sigh. Hmm. Really wanna sleep but I think I have to do some work for tomorrow. Also need to print and photoshop some stuff for hall. I shall leave that for tomorrow. Actually...If I feel lazy...I can slp now, and sketch tmr in class. Yup. I think I oughta.

See, I actually fell asleep just now. DURING A ROCK CONCERT. IN THE FRONT ROW. And my classmate asked me why I kept fall asleep in class recently. So, yeah.

2011-03-15T23:14:00.003+08:00

Ok I'm somewhat better. Wasn't in a great mood probably from the fact I needed a break and also that I haven't have enough sleep. Also, while I was slogging away at my com, my other team members were hard at work sleeping or playing with their mobile phone once they had finished their parts. I, was just compiling everything together into the final presentation that they couldn't really be bother to look through.

Anyway, the presentation is over, and I skipped sketching class today. Took a break and I feel better for this haha.

2011-03-15T01:40:00.009+08:00

I am trying to decide if i have just had an argument with my classmate. I am also trying to decide if I should kill someone right now. Seriously.

Control Kenneth, control.

I am going crazy. Dammit.

I am damn fucking NOT HAPPY right now. FUCK.

Want to type stuff. But. CONTROL.

...

who made you queen of cute you blind retard? grow the FUCK UP.

I am going to throttle someone soon.

If I could, I will stick a FUCKING PENCIL through the eye of the next dick who tries to FUCK around with me.

2011-03-15T00:56:00.003+08:00

Burning out. I can feel it. I think I dozed off in my room earlier without noticing it. Lost a few mins there. Totally have no mood to do work right now. How do I force myself to do it? I am like rejecting work right now. Comtemplating coffee.

2011-03-13T00:59:00.002+08:00

The calm strains of a slow piano instrumental echo throughout the empty studio.

I am, once again, alone here, rushing my work.

Sigh. I am honestly, truly tired. I spent last night working on hall stuff and my sketches. I meant to sleep 1 hour, but it snoozed into 2. When I got home, I took a nap after I started to fall asleep while sketching. That nap overshot 1 hr into 2 also.

So 4 hours, and I am overnighting in studio again. I went out to meet Val, XW and Ben again. It was nice to see them after so long. Service at Fruit Paradise was shit. Their system cock up and lost our orders. Anyway...near the end I felt damn tired. Maybe it was the strain of carrying so many things. Made my way back to school and then unpacked before heading to studio. I have to last the night.

2011-03-12T03:32:00.002+08:00

I slept quite a bit more last night. Did meet up with XW and ben though. Sacrificed sleep for that. Then started to doze off midway. =X Went to the furniture design forum today was pretty good. Had Naoto Fukasawa there. Basket. My friend wentto get his autogrpah can. Mildly jealous. Then again, I didn't bring one of his books along. Darn.

After that went to town for dinner and visited some design shops. Intended to go home but then forgot to bring my keys. Went back hall instead. I realised I have a lot of work to do. To think that I imagined relaxing tonight for once, editing some photos or video. But NOOOO I have todo up more poster designs. I have to send emails to rally my guys to do up the decorations. I have to print stuff.

AND I still have a lot of schoolwork to do. I think I really cannot sleep le. I shall: try to watch some webcasts, then finish my sketches for modelling class and sketching class. After that I have 20 models to do on Sun. Tomorrow morning/afternoon celebrating my mum's birthday. Sunday I have to return to hall to put up deco and print things as well.

2011-03-10T05:23:00.003+08:00

After working overnight, once again as proven, miracles can, do, and will happen the night before final submission. We were stuck on ideas and drawing blanks until our tutor came in today. He gave us a project to concentrate on and areas to focus on and improve. And so we worked on it all the way and managed to finish our models, scrounging materials from everywhere to get just barely enough for our requisite two models and one prototype. It's a close thing. More pictures tomorrow, hopefully.

2011-03-08T14:23:00.002+08:00

I am redlining myself. Stay up will 630pm last night, working on that project. Running on coffee numbs the senses. I slept two hours, and then woke up to go to class. Was bugged in the morning by sms clamouring me about hall stuff. Sigh. More stuff piling on me. Hit Techno Edge in the morning for a cup of coffee. It rained a lot last night. Was damn cold in lecture.

I have to reluctantly admit that I'm not as young as I once was. Feeling like crap after pulling an (almost) all-nighter. Heart rate up thanks to the caffeine, and jittery thanks to it. I notice everyone has given up on asking me to rest. I still have sketching I didn't have time to do. Sigh.

2011-03-07T22:01:00.003+08:00

More work again. Dunno what time I can sleep tonight. I shall go shower and start work. I got my new timbuktu bag. It's awesome. mesenger bag with removable camera insert. Whee. Gonna try it out tomorrow.

Who put the weight of the world on my shoulders?

Just discovered this song by oasis. So nice and mellow...and slightly emo. But nice. Youtube it. But that's what I felt earlier when starting my work. Odd that I now feel in the mood to blog at 544am. It's the only time I have some personal time to myself. And even now I'm ignoring the fact I have hall stuff to work on. Sigh. This song is playing now anyways.

Anyway, I took on the task of consolidating my groups work. Someone's got to do the dirty work. Someone has to take charge and steer us in the right direction now that time is running out. So they sent me their respective timelines and I put them all together. The map was a bitch. Deciding between images and text and InDesign and Photoshop. I finally found a good mashup of the two. Man. At least it turned out how I wanted it to. Kinda proud of that. Shall show them tomo - oops, I mean today.

It reminds me of sem 1 again. Staying up till the wee hours of the morning, working in my room, listening to music. Roar. I felt sleepy earlier so I just went for the coffee. Powerful stuff. I'm still pretty awake and it's almost 6am. I have to wake up at 830 later. And I have to sketch! Will I have time tomorrow? Not very sure. Maybe I oughta sketch now and not sleepy. But i'm not 100% in the mood and may not produce something I like. Sketch during history? Uhhh. Dammit. I might try. Sigh.

2011-03-06T17:00:00.002+08:00

I'm dying here. Ughh. Damn sian. Day in day out studio. A lot ofpeople are falling sick. I think it's only due to my supernatural immunity thats why I'm ok. I've always been less prone to catching ill, for some reason. Anyway I came school to do CD rack then she msged me say she has MKT project meeting. My other team member has to leave early so I'm left. For remotes, one guy is sick the other is doing some external competition. =\ So I'm alone here. Zzz. None of my project mates are.

Then I still have hall stuff to contend with. I don't want to think about it right now. But I have to. Roar. I'm buying a Timbuk2 bag tomorrow from an online seller. I need a proper camera protection system. I dropped my D90 and dinged it once in TW. Fucking sad. I bring it 3700m up a mountain in the middle of a storm unharmed, and bash it up in TW. Fuck man. Damn irritated at myself too. Well at least new bag now. $160. Sorta can't wait.

2011-03-04T13:24:00.003+08:00

Absolutely no time to blog. A quick summary...Taiwan was mind-blowing. Suffered a bit of culture shock in transitioning back to Sg. Because we didn't have any rest at all and started school the next day, it was quite disturbing to transition back so quickly. The week went by in a hazy blur, spent on rushing out work and projects we had no time for overseas.

Amped on caffeine and riding the crest of the artificial energy, I went through 6 cups of coffee, from wherever I could get it. School, a random kopitiam, instant coffee. I don't even like coffee that much in the first place. If I drink it has to be sweet. But I tried to push those thoughts out of my mind and down it. Looking back, I really don't remember the past 4 days. Quite literally a blur.

Yesterday was a self-declared rest day. I ended sch early (MKT lecture was canceled.) So I went out with her to buy stuff. It was the first time we had gone out with each other alone, but it was ok, not awkward or anything. So that's fine I guess. =) It's better than nothing. And I quite enjoyed it.

Went down to Bras Basah to buy our art materials and then had lunch there. It was raining so we sort of ran to Bugis and headed back. Got back to hall, showered, had dinne and finally tore myself away form the com. Intended to wake at 1030 but shut off my alarm and slept all the way till 1am plus. OMG. SO. AWESOME. It was heaven to finally get some rest. I just can't describe it. Proper rest.

Went online for 2 hours, then slept from 3 to 945. Went for a meeting then headed to school. So much stuff to handle omg. Hall stuff. Got no mood to start work in school. Maybe I reached my limit? I can't have. Zzz.

2011-03-02T12:11:00.001+08:00

I'm going to kill someone soon. I cannot take this anymore. I don't want to do this anymore. All the hall stuff is getting on my nerves. I have so much stuff to juggle and it's encroaching on my schoolwork and my projects and my working time and my sleep. Fuck man.

2011-03-02T04:13:00.002+08:00

Headache. Feeling slightly cranky. Like anything could set me off soon. Rar. Rushing out project for tomorrow. Sigh.Another project on Thurs again.

2011-03-01T12:26:00.002+08:00

Sad to say. I doubt I have time to blog about my TW trip. Suffice to say I had really a lot of fun and was really happy. Unfortunately reality sets in and I am beset by work on all sides. Sigh. So I must go onward to do battle. Maybe someday when I am free I'll talk about it. For now I don't have time to edit and upload pictures too. Eventually I will. Recently I have been thinking of playing a new game. It's called Let's See How Long I can Go Without Sleep. Actually I slept last night but well, I'm on my second cup of coffee. I'm on a roadtrip to destroying my physical self with large amounts of work, caffeine and late nights. Live fast die young...cos I'm on the HIGHWAY TO HELL~

2011-02-23T03:06:00.002+08:00

Today we went down to Mingchi University of Techonology to look at the ID department there. It was quite interesting. Their studio is so big and airy and best of all, has natural sunlight. Lol. THe scary part was eating lunch cos we all were split up alone and sat at a table with one group of student. And my Chinese isn't that great. But it was pretty alright I guess? We could communicate a bit and they asked me a lot of things lol.

After that we went to visit this ultra amazing retirement village with super good facilities, and then went downtown for dinner. Then went to visit a design store which was quite nice. Saw plenty of design stuff and books. BOught a really awesome gift for everyone. haha! And then got this super cool drink coaster I've been eyeing for damn long since it came out. So glad I finally got it! haha yay! Never thought I'd be able to get my hands on it!

2011-02-22T01:23:00.002+08:00

Long day but I had fun. Went down to the National Palace Museum today to look at the exhibits. Very...cultural. All Chinese painting and calligraphy and documents. The most interesting exhibit was the piece of jade that was carved to look like a bai cai vegetable and one that was carved to look like a piece of pork. Damn imba hahaha. After that we went down to Ximending (I think) to walk and shop around.

Anyway we all agreed we must wear scarf together one day so I had to find one. In the end we found one going for NT$100 which is about $4.50SGD. SO CHEAP. :D So I bought a very nice scarf for a price much much cheaper than in SG. Then later I also bought a nice leather jacket for about $80 so I can have a nice jacket when I go overseas next time. :D

Later we met up again and were supposed to go for dinner. Then long story short, our dear friend =.= ran off from the group to buy a fracking soft toy. We couldn't leave her alone so we ended up being separated from the main group of people. =.= We returned to a hairdressing salon to find another member of our party and then some of us waited damn long outside. =.= Zzz.

After that though, we had dinner and then decided to go drinking. After much wandering and nearly giving up, we found a place with a few watering holes. Sat down ordered drinks and snacks and played Murderer. lol! Then after it got boring we played truth or dare LOL. We said and did things that will never be repeated ever again. Because tonight never happened. =P hahaha.

2011-02-21T01:18:00.002+08:00

HELLO FROM TAIWAN! TODAY WAS SUPERHAPPYMEGAAWESOMEFUN. I HAVE NOT HAD SO MUCH FUN IN A REALLY REALLY LONG TIME. I'm damn glad I went on this trip. It's the best decision I could've made. It's been a really awesome way to relax after the insane week i just had and the things I've been though. I'm quite happy. I really really am and it's been ages since I felt this way.

Even though there are days when things are going ok, but I just feel...well, normal. That's all. It's been ages since I felt truly happy happy. I really need this. This break. It's a good feeling and I must enjoy it while I can.

Today was super fun. Had breakfast, flew in at about 3 plus. Took bus down to our hotel then after that settled down and went to take the train to an Orchard Road like place. Walked around, tried the Fried Chicken OMG SO DAMN NICE better than anything you can find in Singapore hahaha. SO NICE. Then drank a bit of bubble tea ^^ and had some pastries.

Then we went outside Sogo and did some jump shots there SO AWESOME!!! I did some really nice ones wahahaha. Shall try to upload the photos soon. Had a really sumptous dinner at a Jap place buffet OYUM and then headedback to the hotel. =) Day 2 tomorrow!!!

2011-02-18T23:31:00.003+08:00

IRRITATING LEH. I'm packing for TW and I wanna bring my stuff home and pack some more but they have this stupid thing in hall. We have to meetup and discuss how to put together a video. One of the members has a meeting so we aren't meeting yet. Only much later. I guess this means I'm not going home today.

I have to rush home tomorrow morning, pack my bags, head down to my friends home to take something, head somewhere else to pass someone else something, then back home for project. Fk all of u man srsly. Screwing up my plans. I'll be glad to go TW and escape for a week and wash my hands of you guys for a week. Be free of all this crap. I'm glad I'm quitting hall next sem, and the only reason I do all this is out of principle. Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.

In fact, I'm just gonna head home, do my things, and the last you hear of me will be a gleeful, gloating status update for all of you suckers while I'm on a plane headed north. Sayonara muthafuckas!

Today was ok. I meant to sleep till 1030pm and go online, but in my tiredness I set it for 1030. Slept till then. That was 13.5 hours. Lol. Went to school and did a bit of work. Relaxed, and chatted with friends also. But disappointed too. Didn't finish what I wanted too. Sigh. Cos I went back for hall dinner. Now got hall stuff too. Stupid meeting. I really wanted to finish all my stuff ASAP b4 I flew off to have less of a burden on me. Shall try to finish tomorrow I guess?
---
Dammit. Meeting's canceled cos that guys meeting ran late. Ugh. Now I'm stuck here till morning when I need to rush home. Damn you. Conflict in class. A made a joke abt B, B scolded him, A scoleded back, now fight. Now unfriend. Not even the decency to send a unfriend msg on FB at 3AM. How? Now B is telling me how not to trust A. I slightly agree but wonder if he's telling me the truth. I feel like a pawn in something bigger.

Connected: The Great Game is increasing...

2011-02-17T20:09:00.002+08:00

OMG you will not guess what happened. I found a mouse. not only that, I found a Razer gaming mouse! The Razer Naga to be exact. And it's not the low-end kind. After a whole week of work non-stop, I went back to hall and napped a bit. Next went to CLB for a marketing meeting despite being majorly tired and all. I've had...16.5 hours of sleep since Sunday morning. So 16.5 out of 5 x 24 = 120 hours was spent sleeping. The rest of my time in studio.

Anyway we met up, and went to this place called Perk Point and located an unoccupied table. It was the first time I had stepped into the place, and then I saw a mouse on our chosen table, all alone. Hmm. No one was around. Would someone use a Razer mouse to chope seats? I moved it off the table and then we began doing out work. Midway, I slid the mouse from on top of my laptop bag to below it. Then when we packed up, I packed it up too and left.

And OMG it's amazing! Instead of any other gaming mouse which wouldbe mad awesome but also slightly wasted on me, this mouse has like 17 programmable functions and the ability to map them to any key and application. Meaning...YES I have a handful of Photoshop shortcuts on my mouse now! Same for Indesign. Amazingly suited for these applications too. I supposes at times one can get a break in life.

Hmm. I feel. Like I'm in Inception. Maybe it's lack of sleep. I feel like my room is slanting alarmingly to the front and left. Or alternately right. Actually both. I am not making this up! And I haven't been drinking either. OMG. Gravity off center. WOW. This is kinda fun. But totally weird and not normal. Gravity is confusing me.

2011-02-15T20:28:00.002+08:00

Tired. Fell asleep in the middle of class once more. Had 7.5 hours of sleep since Sunday. Totally KO till my teacher came to me to view my sketches. It all looks like crap but he's nice and doesn't mention that. Sleep comes easily now. I close my eyes for a moment, sleep. Sanding models, sleep. Finishing models, sleep. Maybe I'll finally get some proper rest tomorrow night. Or latest Thursday.

2011-02-14T19:50:00.004+08:00

School was ok. Sigh slept only 3.5 hours last night. I totally forgot about subject pool. Had to wake up at 7am to get to school. Ugh. Gave out chocolates to the girls. Well, some of them. -Cough- LOL. Our project was...so-so. I guess. More work to do. I was so damn tired, during class I was just so tempted to go to sleep right there and then. Which I did. Just found a nearby table while others were presenting and KO-ed.

Quite a a few people are staying back to do work but I have hall stuff to do. Zzz. Went back to hall. I walked in to dinner and to my surpise the aircon was on. That was pleasant. But what I couldn't stand was the onslaught of vday songs. Ugh. I really couldn't take it at all. I ate my food, and left as soon as possible for my room.
---
Turning off my mind to the barrage of work has worked quite well so far and carried me through the past few weeks, finishing all of my work on time. Compared to some of my classmates who just didn't do some things at all, I've completed all that was requested by going full speed ahead.

But it's taking a toll on me. Lack of sleep aside, I'm feeling like I'm running out of steam. UGH. I have my last sketch to shade but I'm a bit unmotivated. Maybe it's because I'm still new to Copic markers. Everything that comes out looks like crap. Seriously. Crap crap crap. It looks so bloody ugly. I'm damn disappointed in myself. I guess while I can do it in pencil, marker is a whole different ball game altogether and I just can't get the hang of it. Sigh. I'm totally lost at sea. All this is probably ruining my mood and motivation.

Maybe I need to be around people. Maybe later once I'm done with hall stuff I should pack up and head down to studio. There's people staying. sheisstaying But that's not the point. The point is to try and finish 3 more handsets and to refine the rest. The point is to finish sanding the metamorphosis models. I must finish it soon! Or maybe stay over tomorrow night. Hmm.
---
I really might go back to sch. That's all what my life revolves around now. Work,work, and only work. Ever since channeling everything I have 100% into work a few weeks ago, I've barely stopped since. I finish up my work, and more work comes along non-stop. Note, I'm not exactly unhappy because I do enjoy what I do and learning all this, but when my entire life has been sucked into this black hole of work day in and day out for several weeks(including all weekends)...things start to feel a little crazy. If there's a time to break down or crash and burn, that time might be soon.

Nightmares 4
Nightmares are becoming a problem. Some nights you hardly dare sleep. If this reaches 5, bad things may begin to happen. Don't let it reach 8.
-Echo Bazaar

2011-02-14T03:04:00.002+08:00

Had dinner at Val's. Went to sch to do project first then XW came by to drive me down. Yay! =) Then stayed till pretty late before I realised I couldn't really go hall. Then I went home instead. Luckily I checked my mail; cos I have SUBJECT POOL TMR SHIT. 9AM. Balls. I have to wake up early to travel down to Biz. UGH. STUPID MKT. =.=

2011-02-12T22:55:00.001+08:00

Didn't play GDS today. =( Went to my friend's place to do project. Spent pretty much the whole day there working on it. Whole day gone. Kinda don't feel like doing work but I don't have much time left. Need to finish my sketching soon. =(

2011-02-12T02:13:00.003+08:00

So, overnighted, did some project work, and did some more other work before heading back to watch my hall play. It was pretty good and funny. Haha. When I came back I kinda felt really swamped with work. Maybe cause I spent a couple hours at a play. Need to try finish some more work tomorrow. Got project meeting everyday. Also, my family dinner has been shifted to Sun. This clashes with dinner with the rest. =(

Addicted to Game Dev Story. Helps me to relax. I created an Animal Simulation game and named it Dogling Rush. LOL.

2011-02-11T00:11:00.003+08:00

Staying in school today. My friend wanted to stay too but then I didn't know. =( If I had told they they would have gone home to bring stuff down. So I'm alone again. Just finished my sketches. Still need toshade them but no refills. Zzz. I'm going to do up a paper version of my plant model and then do 6 more handsets. If there's time maybe do my metamorphosis ba.

2011-02-09T21:24:00.002+08:00

The best thing about sleeping alone in hall is that you get to whine and snarl and generally let loose whatever frustrations you may have whenever you wake up much too early but still have to get up anyway. School was ok I guess. Need to make more models! I finished a bit of work today. Progressed on a couple of items.

I got a new iPhone game called Game Dev Story. Quite cute and fun! You run a Game Company and try to produce games and make money. Different from the rest. It has amazing reviews and I tried the lite very fun out for fun. My first run kinda sucked but after that my second attempt was much better. Decided to get the full version. =) Quite fun to pass the time! lol. And it's non-persistent so I don't have to commit to it, and I can play as long as I like.

Tomorrow is submission for the handles project. Wish me luck! Need to work on models and metamorphosis. And sketching too. Maybe stay over tomorrow? Chiong finish models I only need to make 3 more but I'm dissatisfied with some older ones. Re-do and make nicer ones!!! Yeah. All for my grades. In the mood for work. BUT. Hall stuff. Sigh. I'll try and finish it later first.

2011-02-08T17:35:00.003+08:00

Shit lah. Now I know why am I so busy already. Sigh. I rush schoolwork non-stop and just when I think I have pulled ahead of that monstrous all-encompassing wave for a quick breather, I get swamped by hall stuff. Need to redesign 2 banners and make a video. Gah. Work work. No rest for the wicked.
---
School today was ok. Cos we weren't presenting lol. Watched the other grps present, then had lunch and went to buy our MKT textbook. $48 plus. D: So expensive. Sigh. I have to resell next year. Went for MKT tutorial later, and headed back to hall. For once I'm in my room before dinner starts. I'm a bit hungry now though. I got no food! Eating MILO powder. Wtf.

Gonna try and finish sketching later. Have yet to shade. Still got plenty of work to do. My weekend will be spent on project meetings. And yeah I've entered a sort of a buisness venture with my classmate. We're splitting the profits 50-50, and he's thrown in the first bit of capital to get our products. ANGRY BIRDS. Our current model of marketing is through word of mouth and also Facebook. So would appreciate if you guys can take time off to just 'share' the pics on your feed. =)

Also I tweeted it, although I'm not sure if it will help. Got so much stuff to buy. =( Like today's book. That's why I'm going into business. I even email blasted my relatives with it. Lol. Need to find some way to earn money. I hope more people respond.

2011-02-07T22:40:00.002+08:00

School today was ok. We came early and did up our project and later pinned it up along with the rest.We then were supposed to rate everyone's boards from 2-10 (Ours would default to 1). After the ranking and socring, the group with the top scores would get to choose the porduct for our next project. Our boards would also be reviewed by our tutors. Suffice to say, we got some pretty decent comments, so yup. =) As you can see I'm deathly afraid and paranoid of jinxing anything.

Then after that we were supposed to choose the products we would work on. We were second to choose, so yeah. =) Good job guys and let's keep it up! I was kinda surprised too. Lol. Must let this motivate me so that when we work on our project this weekend we can put up something good.

After that showed Dr. C my metamorphosis, and I need to make some minor changes. See if I can do it tonight. Actually I'd rather do it tomorrow-NO I must finish it by tonight. Ok. I need to finish my sketches too. Buy MKT textbook tmr. =.=

2011-02-07T00:51:00.002+08:00

Went to mel's b'day party. Had fun! But I've got a headache right now. Could it be not enough sleep? But I got 7 hours of sleep last night. =( Oh well. Spent today in sch doing some group work, then left for the party. We had a lot of fun with the balloons lol. Like trying to float ben's iPhone, and tying balloons to Xw's cutlery LOL.

Later we also tied a balloon to a piece of cake and made mel try and eat it HAHA. After the party was over we had some fun by bringing out that bunch of balloons out. OMG jealous. Did not bring my camera. Plus everyone was a bit tired. Can you imagine the amount of photographic opportunities with a HUGE bunch of balloons? SO NICE. Too bad we couldn't stick around long enough to really play with it. =( Tried doing some jump shots and stuff. Hope they turned out nice. 18 balloons looks super nice and impressive!

2011-02-06T00:36:00.003+08:00

Overnight in sch today with a coupla people. Lol. Today was kinda more productive. I redid one sketch I made yesterday which sucked and went to do my handsets. I thought we were supposed to do 5, but I did 6 cos one sucked. Later I found out we needed 6. lol. Well at least saved me the disappointment. Now trying to see what else I can do next.

Helluva lotta handsets. It may not look like much but you have to realise that each of these are different from the rest, and each were slowly carved by hand out of a single block of foam. Slowly cut, carved, sculpted, and sanded down.

2011-02-04T14:58:00.001+08:00

I AM FALLING BEHIND. SHIT. =( People are catching up and pulling ahead. BACK TO WORK.
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Ok I am sketching now. Got more work done today now that CNY is over. I finished my Ergonomics essay and got a couple of sketches done. And worked a bit on my history project. Tomorrow, back to studio once more. Blew off two outings with friends today but I at least went home to eat steamboat with my folks. Though I was a bit reluctant to leave school so early. =(

2011-02-03T00:48:00.002+08:00

I slept really late last night. Had only 3 hours of sleep before I woke up to goto the Botanic Gardens. Ended up really late thanks to my friend. We took bus down. Ended up at an exit on the other end of the park from everyone. By then it didn't matter anymore because they had all dispersed. =(

So we just got out instructions and made our way through the park taking pictures of stuff. Explored, took some fun photos and walked to the other end. Lol. Wanted to go Bugis to buy copic refills but the shops were clsoed. Had lunch, went home, and went for reunion dsinner at night. Still try to complete some work b4 I sleep.

2011-02-01T13:36:00.004+08:00

OMG I feel like crap. I slept really late last night trying to dig up info for our brief presentation today. Then our presentation was so short. Definitely need to redo it. Then my clothes were in the dryer so I stayed up to play Sims 3 until they were done and folded them. Slept at, close to 4? Then woke up like 10 mins before class at 850. D: Dozed off a bit during lesson so I went to get milk tea with sugar and some food. Now I feel so sleep-deprived. Like fast heart rate and shallow breathing. Caffeine does that to you right? So. Exhausted.
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ARGHHHH I feel nauseous and buzzed and restless and I can't concentrate on my work cause of the nausea. Ugh. I'm not going to lose my breakfast but I can't work. Must resist urge to throw up. Work, dammit!
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Update! YES I'm finally in the mood to work. Showed my stuff to my tutor, and got some comments back. After the feedback I now have a direction to head towards and can start heading there. I'm determined to go now. I've somewhat slacked off this week (lost the mood) and let other people catch up but now I'm ready to put the pedal to the metal and surge ahead. That coupled with the holiday mood motivates me. Must pull ahead as far as possible and wham everything down!

I don't wanna jinx it, but suffice to say, I got some quite decent comments which encouraged me, so I'm all recharged, refueled, and ready to hit the road BAM BAM BAM taking down projects one after another. Gonna try and finish two today. I also have hall stuff to do but that oughta be kinda fast. ONWARD!

Handle is down to 70% but I'm ready to pull it back upto 90-100% and also to 100% my metamorphosis today. Next I'll take down sketches, handsets, and see what I can do on the group projects.,

2011-01-31T19:05:00.005+08:00

Another day in school. Thankfully a short week. I'm already in a holiday mood. =X CNY! Where's my drive? My drive to do work and to excel. It has abated somewhat. Nevertheless I just aim to finish my sketches by today. I keep my to-do list updated but things aren't coming off it. I need to push harder. After CNY I intend to head back to school ASAP and chiong finish more work. Must do it well and do it good to pull up my grades. Must have the standard!

One this that I am proud of, recently is this:
I can draw fucking straight lines. Now. The pic is blur but you get the general idea. They're straight. The construction lines. Also, I measured it. With a ruler. Fuck yea.

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[UPDATE]
"guys are always selfish animal... they want the best for themselves, want people to understand them, etc..., but they never do the same to the girls...they never ever put themselves in girl's shoe and think and feel..."
Someone's status update. HAHAHA IRONIC. Have u ever considered that guys are actually wondering how best to understand and to treat a girl , but till now still have NO FUCKING CLUE? "they want the best for themselves, want people to understand them" Why this trait sounds so girl-like. U sure u have the correct sex not? Wake up your bloody idea.