I haven't blogged in over two weeks? Seems a lot longer than that. Lol. Wow. Anyway got a tough week ahead of me. Exams are coming up and then i realised something. A lot of people are very vocal about hell week. As for me, i dont feel the need to urge to mention it at all. Why?

Haha. Maybe its because im so used to the constant weekly influx of projects and deadlines? This week i stayed in school for 4 days straight and slept only 9 hours to rush out a model. Is that considered hell week? Near-constant work from Mon to Thurs. i still attended a full day of class on Friday.

Next week i need to produce our final model. Last week made me skip my soci readings and lecture. Its all snowballed down to this week. Got 3 sets of readings to clear, 1 webcast to watch and my lecture is on Thursday. Dont know if i got time to attend or will i be rushing my model.

Start CNC my final model on Mon if possble. CAD model needs to be out today hopefully and then we start CNC and eventually put it together, install the components, spray paint, sand, spray paint, sand, repeat. We also need to put together our final presentation for Thursday.

I can skip my User Reasearch for this week but I have to touch up my boards, ad produce 10 A3 pages in a nicely designed folio soon. I need to start on Ecodesign, group meeting, fix on a direction, make a model, and make a presentation before Wednesday.

I also eventually have to rush out a project in the last week of submission because we just cant be damned to care about it. Its the lowest priority one but its due next week. So, to recap:

3 readings
1 webcast
1 lecture
1 meeting
1 direction
1 model
1 presentation
1 CAD model
1 CNC
1 assembly (of model)
1 finishing
1 final presentation
Is this hell week? Is YOURS hell week?

I'm a fucking idiot. Today I have disgraced myself and my work. This is it. Change course alr. Bombed. Totally fucking bombed. I think maybe it was good that we didn't get to present because our work SUCKED. TOTALLY FUCKING SUCKED. It stank like fucking dogshit rubbed in rotten eggs. Complete fucking rubbish. What's wrong with me? What's wrong with us? We submitted the presentation only to have it FUCKING RIPPED TO SHREDS. WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WHY. We were the ONLY group where there were ABSOLUTELY NO POSITIVE COMMENTS AT ALL. NONE. ZIP. ZILCH. ZERO. NADA. Flat out bombed. Need to address these issues.

OH GOD NONONONONONO I HAVE TO DO WELL. I CAN'T SCREW THIS MOD. I think all of us are too busy with our other projects to care about this. The only one who seems to, I feel that she does it only because it makes her feel good to be seeing things moving, or to make things move. It's like on-off. I'm sorta like co-steering my studio proj, and I think now someone needs to kick this project into gear. We need to fix EVERYTHING. Now that my laptop's up it's time to kick everything into overdrive.

I have become too pampered, too soft, too lazy. Sleep! All I want to do is to get as much sleep as possible. Thanks to the holidays I got used to having plenty of sleep. Well, FUCK SLEEP. DID I CARE ABOUT SLEEP LAST YEAR? FUCK NO. This is a fucking wake up call (pun intended) and sleep should be the last of my priorities. I'm gonna grab all our slides and chuck everything together and work on it till wed.

Then again, I fear I might have completely disgraced myself and my design sensibilities. Dare I show my slides in front of others again? Wallow in self-pity and regret and recoil at the filth I produced? Or try to overcome this as my walls crumble around me and try to rebuild as much as I can, and try to come out of it all. But my confidence is gome; hollowed out, an empty shell. Part of me wants to try, but part of me fears the stench of failure again.

I need strength.

"Graves come later...just remember it's the winners who dig them."

-Wolves of the Calla, Stephen King

I keep getting the feeling that _________s are egoistic, narcissistic, self-serving, have an over-inflated sense of self, are pretentious and always feel that they are better than you because of all they do. Maybe they don't show it all the time, or maybe I'm seeing it just from a small segment but what I see keeps reinforcing this impression. '-'

Feeling weird today. Tired? Stressed out? I feel damn weary despite sleeping about 8 hours last night. Maybe I'm stressed out over exchange. I was keen on France until I heard even more info about how it's really really hard to get in. My second choice would have been Italy but now it is full. And their CAP is higher too. So no point. Maybe if I had changed earlier I might have made a safer choice and gotten a chance? But who am I to know? But damn, Italy. =( Still, I'm putting Netherlands first and I really really really hope I can get it. I have always wanted to visit Europe. I WANT TO GO EUROPE.

I want to talk to others but I'm damn busy now. Now desperately trying to cram for my Soci mid term on Thursday. And I have two ongoing projects that have meetings due on Mon. I have to finish all this by Monday. I most likely am able to finish if I devote as much time as I can to doing but the amount of work ahead is daunting and completely ruining my mood. Sigh. There's no drive. I need to push myself!

And I still have to reformat my stupid fucking laptop to 64 bit. I doubt I'll have time for that this week now. Study for my mid term first. And I still have IPT later at 430. Another mood killer. I am too slack. I have gotten used to the good life and getting adequate sleep. Now sleeping little is becoming increasing problematic.