Went for the travel fair today. Thought i'd be late but ended up being first to arrive. There was quite the queue, but once the doors opened, it dissipated. Ben came next and we went to. Collected a lot of pamphlets but wasn't sure where to start. Myself, because i haven't visited m'sia much and don't know what we can get. Later tak and kenneth and val arrived. We went to a booth and started the ball rolling.

Ben left for driving and xw came. We waited outside under a tent over some seats. It was raining. And cigarette smoke was everywhere. :( We talked while val and her dad spent ages inside bargaining for our deal and hacking away at their defenses. I salute them for that. :) Eventually they did it and we came away with a pretty good deal. Thanks val! Ben rejoined us and so did raye.

Went to Tamp1 for dinner! At the Japanese Marche. After that went to Bakerzin. A lot of the desserts were sold out. :( And the Warm (moist?) Chocolate Cake took ages to come. I had to leave at 730 to go home. NLB refuses to renew my book! Bleh. Need to read it fast. Hmm. Didn't feel like taking pictures today. =S Everyone likes my sheep shirt! ^^

Woke up, ate, and watched TV. Surprisingly, Death Proof was on Star Movies. The visual style was pretty cool. But at times there was just too much talking. Without it, the movie would have been really short though. I practically read today's bumper Straits Times throughout the talk. The ending was pretty cool though. But abrupt. I suppose it is in the style of pulp fiction if i'm not mistaken. Planet Terror is on tonight!

Didn't do much else. Went for dinner at Compass Point Sakae. Service was bad. Only 1 menu for 4 people. =.= We sat at a round table away from the conveyor belt. The touchscreen was down. =.= Went to Best Denki. Bought an oven because apparently my sister wants to learn baking. Considering buying that digital urban camo backpack from the Gift Shop at PLC. Seems useful. I have too many sling bag. I want one with lots of compartments and more space than my cycling...not-really-backpack-but-very-slim-bag.

But then again I'm trying to save money. Because SAF TOOK MY MONEY AGAIN. I helped one of my PSes buy black cloth tape for AOH. $11.20. I didn't get it back. and somehow asking for it feels a little akward. =S Sigh. Same as with how I spent $12 to bring my pioneer back from the hospital. I wrote it off as a bad debt. I brought the receipt to HQ to claim, but still nada. Zzz.

Waiting for Planet Terror to start at 145am.

[UPDATE]
Planet Terror was nice. Way better than Death Proof. Tongue-in-cheek, funny, fast-paced and entertaining, it was a treat to watch. Haha. Oh well, probably gonna go sleep soon. Need to wake up early tomorrow.

4AM. I just finished watching cable. Haha. Been watching lots of shows recently when there isn't much to do. Borrowed quite a few DVDs from my friends. I just acquired season 2 of Chuck. =) Today was quite tiring. I've lost count how many times I've carried a heavy object up and down that stupid stretch of road at the arrivals and departures side. Also stood outside the gate for hours. Jeez. I should bring a field chair next time.

Furthermore they're being very anal about having your headdress on at all times. Sigh. Combine lots of logistics and moving we've had to do the past week, 2 hours round-trip, and 1 X good shifting of bunk. I've never wanted to book out so much in a long time, until this Friday. It's raining now. Sudden. I also think I hurt my wrist. My LEFT wrist. I was pushing one of those white plastic water barricades, almost running when it struck the corner of a drain cover sticking out. Velocity drops to zero instantly. All that force has to go somewhere.

It was 8 plus before we reached camp. Then I still had to pack and go off. When I left camp, the office called. My ringtone wins again. Apparently one of my pioneer forgot to sign the book in book out book. =.= Then we didn't know who because the nominal roll was the old one. After going through both lists over the phone, I decided to walk back. Went in again, and thankfully we found the guy. Office called him. =.=

Went out again. Walked the (ONLY) long way out. Saw the bus coming. Ran. I hit the main road just as it left the bus-stop. Yay. Fantastic. Especially as I was so tired, carrying 3 bags, coming from a long week and needing to go home and shower. That really made my day. But well, get used to it. When you're at the lowest point in your life, just get settled right in, put in high-speed internet and cable, and you can stay there for a while. Comfortable in the fact that there's not that much life can throw at you now, is there. Nuclear war, perhaps. Ha ha.

Brought home some stuff I don't think I'll be needing but my cupboard still seems really cluttered. I'm trying to tidy it up so that when I leave it'll be easier. MUAHAHA. But of course as with all living quarters, it accumulates with the detritus of a long stay. After I got home, just went online, and watched National Treasure 2 and 1408 on cable. I don't have much to do tomorrow. =S Zzz.

I've got a family dinner in the evening, and Benjam's birthday thingy in the evening. Kinda wanna go but I don't want to spend too much. It's at a bar. Probably get more info from Eric tomorrow. Probably catch sone movies in the afternoon. I can't wait for this to be over. I foresee next week will be really tiring too. And AOH will burn my weekend. At least they're compensating. But wait, it's what they SHOULD do. Haha. I'll be in the departure queue. Queue 9. Dunno if it'll be good or not. Depends on the public. =.= Shall go sleep now. Travel fair on Sunday!

Didn't blog last night because i was pretty tired and i'm doing DS today. Anyway didn't do much but attend a high-level meeting at which my presence was not really required. It was quite a show though. After that we were told we had to shift our bunks back to Bravo again. =.= They ought to set a limit on how many times they can make you move living quarters. It's practically a human rights issue.

Imagine settling down somewhere for a few months, then being uprooted to a new place. After settling there, you get moved back to the original place. It's a torture to move all your belongings to and fro and up and down. And now my old bunk seems so foreign. And moving everything over was tiring. Sigh. Just went for dinner then went to read and then sleep.

Well, now i'm back at plc again on standby. They say someone's going to come along and vet the system but no one has come by yet. At least it's quiet. But i don't know what's going on. I just wanna visit the toilet and then buy myself a nice canned drink after. Today has been quite long and it's not over just yet... Pretty tired from all the manual labour and stuff these few days.

Went to help out AOH again today. Did a lot of stuff. Quite tiring. Doesn't help that i know we have to undo everything after it's over. The day activities were mainly sitting around until someone thought of something to do, working until we were soaked, sitting until we were dry, and working on something else again. Ben asked if the rest of us wanna go aoh but i haven heard from him but i guess it's a no then. Oh well. Not like i didn't expect something along those lines.

Guess i'll just have to enjoy it by myself then. And i'm stuck in a kinda isolated training shed so hopefully i may have some peace. Worked for pretty much the whole day today untill it finally started raining tonight. I'm just glad that we aren't going back tomorrow. Lucky i had that cup of coffee in the morning to start my day. I found a small boiler as home. It's not a kettle per se, but a portable water heater. Convenient.

I can just flick on the switch and have boiling water ready to go by the time i'm back from brushing my teeth. Add coffee and serve. Anyway i had a fantastic dream last night. Haha. I still remember it so that's great. Apparently i was in uni and I was entering a lecture hall on anthropology, of all things. Somehow i didn't have orientation so i didn't know anyone but i saw some familiar faces.

I found a seat and sat down and had a conversation with xw and weijin. Then i suddenly realised i'm in uni! ORD! WOW! It felt awesome. Then i realised the date a bit off...it's only august...and woke up. But i remembered the feeling and it made my day! Maybe it's a look at 1 year into the future?

Just got this new song, 1979 by Smashing Pumpkins. It is fantastic. It has a really nice chill feeling to it that seems to summarise all the great times in the past. When we go M'sia, that's going to be one of the soundtracks if I compile a short movie from it. =) I did a video from my M'sia trip, but stupid FB removed my vid because of copyright issues. It's only the soundtrack that's not mine. =.= AND IT'S NOT EVEN THE FULL SONG. It's not even half! Jeez. In fact, the full song's on frickin' Youtube. Great. I'll just try to upload and get around it. Take THAT Facebook.

Anyway, woke up kinda early, and didn't have much to do before my driving. Went driving. Dunno what's wrong with me today. Dreaming. Stalled thrice too. =.= After that, came home and made lunch. Watched the Little Shop of Horrors on cable. Now I'm just enjoying my last 3 plus hours of freedom. Damn. It was good while it lasted. I hope I can take leave after AOH...

Oh well, at least there's only 3 days left to go for this week. =) Wed, Thurs nights out, Fri book out! Lovely. And we're hitting September soon. I wonder if I shouldn't have chosen driving on my birthday, but it's a friday afternoon I guess. And it's cheaper and keeps my weekends free. I just hope the planned outcamp run is still on.

Went M'sia today. Was pretty fun. Haha. How exciting. Especially I have never just taken a public bus and gone to M'sia with friends just like that before. Was quite the experience. Now I can go there with others too. Anyway, met up with Tommy, Samuel, Jing Hui, Kian Tong at Woodlands at 9PM. Took bus 950 to the checkpoint. Alighted and went through the border. Then we got off at the Malaysia side and walked to City Square. Ventured around a bit. $1 bubble tea! We bought tickets for The Proposal at 545PM. Only $3.75! Walked around more.

I bought a cute T-shirt. Damn funny. Haha. I was totally spoilt for choice. There was a store stocked up on some really cute/funny/amusing/witty t-shirts that really appealed to me. Haha. The pictures are really very quirky. I shall wear mine the next time I go out. Each was going for about RM59.90, which was ok I guess. I liked the illustrations on a lot of them but I think I've got 2 favourites. When I showed mine to my sis I realised she also would have wanted one because she liked it.

After that, we went out and about to the surrounding areas to walk about. Looked around and wandered about all the buildings and alleys. Found a little chicken rice store that looked pretty decent so we went in. Wasn't too bad. Food was pretty good. Haha. Went to walk some more. Saw some ah, funny stuff. More details in the FB photo captions. Haha! Wandered to some of the minor shopping centres but they weren't great. Used the toilets at the convention centre. Nice. The toilets in CS cost 20sen to enter. =.=

Finally walked back and wandered a bit more. Then went up, browsed, and went to play arcade. Daytona. I think 1st time I've played it. Cui =.= Lol. Then went out, had to rush a little for dinner. Secret Recipe! I was surprised to find the menu prices nearly the same. Which means in Singapore all they have to do is just remove the 'RM' and leave the digits...I won't look at SR in Singapore the same way again...=S

But it means the food here was pretty darn cheap. I mean, RM6.30 for the cake is like 2plus! For a slice of humongous Secret Recipe cake! The serving appears larger. But seeing as how we were in a hurry, it was a waste I didn't get dessert. Well worth it. Watched the movie, quite alright and funny I guess. Then went back the way we came. All in all a pretty fun day. =)

[UPDATE]
Watched Clerks 2 too. I found it better than the first one. Maybe because I'm more used to watching in colour. Nevertheless it was interesting and quite nice. After that I watched Wall.E because I felt like it. I think it's my favourite Pixar movie. Some may say Up is better but I prefer Wall.E. Mainly because of the beginning. It's amazing to bring back what is pretty much the lost art of making silent movies and I like how they pull it off. The story appeals to me.

Captain Opinion strikes again. Sometimes I wonder why do I even bother to converse. It just tempts fate (and pretty much chance too) and it makes life difficult as it is. I don't need more complications. Aforementioned are the reasons I withdraw my active participation in our sideline activities. Though you may not realise it, most of the time we float down your current. Bloop bloop. And while it may not have been obvious before, it's like one of those magic eye pictures. Once you see it, you can't un-see it.

And I'm just gonna go with the flow. Since you like it that way. It's more trouble than it's worth to swim against the current, believe me. The Patriot is doing it either way. Although I feel sorry for him at times. But hey, familiarity breeds contempt. Sorry. (That's like apologising before you sock a dude in the eye. Har-har.)That's my mantra for now. Which probably explains quite a few things now. Haha. Oh gosh I really shouldn't be wasting more words on this issue, really. It's all to let off steam and it'll all come to no avail. Woe is me. Wait till I ORD. That rhymes. =)

Well ok it really didn't need such a big response. I'm just passing the time. =X In a bad way. I'm going Malaysia tomorrow. Got a big day ahead of me. =)
[/UPDATE]

After driving stayed and home and did stuff. I watched Lucky Number Slevin. Pretty cool. Nice movie. Haha. The plot is indeed quite good. After that I watched part of Clerks. Some 1994 movie. It was in OMG black and white. I was really surprised. I couldn't believe why they still made BW movies in 1994. =S But the rating is quite good so I'll stick with it. Anyway, watched it partway and then went to send my aunt off at the airport.

My cousin and her are returning back to Texas after about a month here. Wonder when they'll be back again. He showed me his toy 'fighter jet!'. I think down here we just tell our kids aeroplane lah. Damn cute. Same as our lolly is a 'truck!' to him. Haha. Oh that reminds me, I have yet to upload those pics...haha.

I made french toast when I woke up today. And eggs sunny side up. =) Haha. Just felt like it. And I managed to figure out how to do it. Because usually my mum's french toast is quite soggy and the egg come out a little less sunny. Lol! So now I actually bothered to try out how to do it. Yum. Watched cable for most of today.

Tell me, o, does it burn.

Why yes it does, like a plump bloated sun hanging fat in the infected sky of one's fevered dreams.

Okay yesterday we worked till quite late...on a Friday. Bleah. Helped to set up some of the logistics for AOH. That reminds me, there's going to be a REVERSE process of this after its over. Zzz. Anyway, we had dinner at PLC and then we only settled everything and left at 7PM, which also happened to be the end of the no-move time.

I called shotgun also with Joel. Yay for vecom (vehicle commander). Stupid 50kmph limit. Reach camp at 8pm. At least we could enjoy the aircon. But vecom can't sleep too. But that's not so bad. Could tell some other people wanted to be vecom really badly. Shall let them have the chance next time. Haha. Reach home at 845, ate a little dinner, then left.

Reached YM's place at 10. We played Super Munchkin and then went to Xin Wang for drink and a little light supper and talked. After that YM sent the twins home and me and shawn crashed at his place. Woke up in the morning, and realised I misintepreted Val's SMS, so I headed to Kovan and her dad gave me a ride to his place where I gave tuition to her siblings. Haha. After that went to Ubi for my driving and came home. Damn test route 6 is quite hard.

The droning roar of the diesel engine was constant as the 5-tonner trundled across the highways at a miserable 50km/h. Even garbage trucks were faster than them. Seated directly behind the cab, K leant on the edge of the hold and rested his head on his arm. The rainy weather combined with the truck's motion combined to make a strong cool breeze that whipped into the inside. As they headed further into the rain, more and more droplets began to fly in, hitting his face. It was getting colder. But it was quite a nice feeling and he didn't mind. So he sat there, splashed by the rain and buffeted by the winds as the truck ran on and on.

I write this from where i'm deployed in pasir laba. We're doing crowd control of sorts. Interested to see what AOH will turn out to be like. I don't see much people around. Maybe they have forgotten about me. I'm in a quiet little training shed out of sight. Meanwhile it's cool and dim and peaceful here, so i'm good.

I got really pissed off yesterday morning. We had a really bad drill session, (bad for US) and some things just made me lose it. One of the things i cannot stand is hypocrites. Which is why i also make sure i don't do so. (Wouldn't that be an irony?) Why is it that you are entitled to your free Bitch-of-the-day coupon to complain about anything you like but when others do it, you shut them up?

It's not as if you are higher than any of us. =.= So only you are allowed to make noise and vent your frustration? Whereas the rest of us are only allowed to sit back and nod and agree with you? And how about you trying to impose your views on others and then the next second you go hey, let's all contribute. It gets on my nerves. Fine you want to go this way, we'll go this way. No need to say it for the sake of saying it.

You could try to control yourself more. Sometimes you just lash out at people without caring who they are, be it friends of peers. Some time you just can't talk nicely but HAVE to shout at people. What's the matter? Aren't we equals? When a word would do you have to shout at other. Doesn't say much about your interpersonal skills. Sure we keep quiet and ignore it, but i think it's a part that can be fixed. Not everyone is your enemy.

Judgemental, opinionated and quick to anger, i wish you'd just chill once in a while and start treating the people around you nicer. You don't have to yell all the time. And your desire to have your way is well, kinda overwhelming. I'm not going to fight. It's not worth it. We'll just go with the flow, shall we?

Yesterday was nothing interesting. Some learning day. Pfft. Okay. Went to Seletar Country Club to celebrate Ang Yun's birthday. Had dinner next to the gold course. Nice place, but very far in. No car, no way. Food was nice though, but the soup and bread wasn't worth it. Then went to play bowling. I sucked big time. Haven't played in too long. =S How disappointing. Maybe i will retrain again after ord. Haha.

As for today, had a run in the morning and now here i am at Pasir Laba. It's raining and kinda cool but nothing's going on.

Get this in before I sleep. Monday, i went to meet xw at ps. Ben went driving, and we had lunch at Swensens. Usually i wouldn't go there because i got cheated once and it's quite sucky, but oh well, there was a 1 for 1 offer. Which means we can have steak for $11 apiece. After lunch, went to walk around a bit and ben came just after we got the food.

GI Joe was ok i guess. Quite actiony but a far cry from the NON-STOP ACTION and extreme coolness as was proclaimed by others. A little underwhelming. It tries to include a lot of story behind it and while the action is plentiful, it's alright i guess. And the entire show simply revolves around 2 factions chasing each other around the world for one suitcase, if you wanna put it that way. But it was ok overall i guess.

After that, made a detour to Carrefour cos ben was considering buying a Nerf gun. Then went to Cafe Cartel for dinner. Met up with tak and val. Yet another minor miracle all of us can meet up, and on such short notice. Walked with val to The Cathay then left to book in. Stupid book in time. =.= I will be very glad to be free of such crap in 5 months.

Tuesday, went swimming in the morning. Special event. Supposedly a leisure swim to recover after AHM. Went all the way to Nee Soon. Probably over 100 people in the pool at once. The pool was horrible. By submerging your head you could literally see little green flakes floating around you. Like a disgusting giant snow globe. Except you're swimming in it.

Those who dared venture into the middle returned with horror stories of the depths being a veritable swamp of large particles, bigger than the visible flecks in the shallow end. Even on the steps you saw little green wormlike algae rolls. No public pool would be caught dead with such conditions. I hope we don't have to return.

After swimming, we can back and went AOH recce once more, company level. 50km/h in tonners, no aircon no soft seats. Luckily i brought a novel. By the time we got back, it was late evening. Went for Aston's at AMK. Plenty of events this week too. =( Well, at least it's a short one. One more weekend coming. =)

[update]
Watched G.I Joe. Quite poor quality. I got a headache after watching it. =.= Watched The Hurt Locker. Pretty nice. Quite liked it. Now I don't know what to do. I don't feel like watching movies anymore. Sigh.
[/update]

Back from AHM. What a journey. It was indeed quite the experience. Thank goodness I decided to get an armband for my MP3, it made quite the difference. Anyway, booked in at 6 last evening, watched the last 2 episodes of Chuck and the 1st of Pushing Daisies, then went to bed. Woke up at 3AM, packed up and left at almost 4. Arrived at about 5 plus, put our bags down and waited. And waited. As if making us wake up at 3AM was not enough, we had to wait for almost an hour. Which just made me even sleepier.

Eventually we walked to the start line. Eh? Start already? Can run? There was no official starting event. Ok, here goes...just crossed the big START banner and started jogging. Well, it's begun now. Turned on my MP3 and plugged in. Felt really good. I tried running with my MP3 before but I always had to readjust the earpieces because they would slip out. Not now, with the armband. Run run run runrunrun...saw the 1km sign. Yeah. 20km more. I saw David, so I ran with him. Boom boom boom, we went pretty fast actually, overtaking many people.

The music helped to motivate me, provide something for me to focus on, kept my timing, drew my attention away from feeling tired, and made me forget about my breathing. Somehow it became a lot less laboured than when usually running in camp. Less laboured and more even. It provided the atmosphere. I felt like I was in a car race. Vroom vroom, follow the beat. Saw Tommy, he joined us. Runrunrun all the way to East Coast. Lost David somewhere along the way. A lot of active overtaking then, went on the grass. Passed some of the places I cycled.

Runrunrun, saw Kelvin and ZL. Acutally managed to catch up with them! Wow. Started to feel a little worn out so I slowed down, ran at a comfortable pace. Still did overtake. It was pretty good for me already because I usually can't run for too long, but now I ran till about 7-9km at a pretty decent pace before slowing to a slightly slower pace but which was pretty acceptable. Runrunrun, turned around, and ran back. Runrunrun, back to urban areas. Walked a bit but not bad considering the first time I walked was somewhere at 13-15km. Drank a little. 100 Plus tasted fantastic. Especially the cold one. =)

Runrunrun through the city. Walked a couple more times. Even when I was tired, the music helped keep me going because I automatically jogged to the beat, and made walking less likely. So even when it never boosted my speed like in the early stages it kept me running. Techno is good. Almost makes you feel like you're racing. Runrunrun, it seemed really long during the 11-17 km part. A loooong loooong way.

Was counting down the km one by one. Felt really long. Perked up when I hit 17km. 4km more. Quite short. Runrunrun, 18. Runrunrun 19. Was heartened to see the city. Ran for quite a bit but didn't see the 20km sign. =.= I was quite demoralised because this 2km seemed very long, there was no marker, and we ran back on the esplanade bridge and I thought it was ending, but the ending was further back...it looked really far. Was heartnened by the 400m more only shouters. Made it back.

Drank 2 cans of 100 Plus and then sat down in the 'Chill Out area'. Felt good. Went back to look for everyone. Was soaked all over. Took a picture for RSM, watched prize presentation then went home. Yay. The big clock said 3:09, but I think it's inaccurate...we'll see. But I'm kinda confident the timing was started earlier.

Nothing much today. Went for a run in the morning, then a dialogue session. That means snacks. =) I had 2 sandwiches, 2 chocolate balls and 2 cups of coffee. I was so guilty over the chocolate balls that I skipped lunch. Well, lunch wasn't fantastic anyway. anted to settle some USMS stuff but there came a last min reccee mision, so guiltily had to get the new specs to finish it off. Went to Pasir Laba Camp to walk the ground and look-see a bit. Still remmeber Hotel Coy. Haha. Wonder what Army Open House (AOH) will be like.

Went back to Seletar before making my way home. To and fro we took military vehicles. Sigh. The new Ford Everest but so what if it looks nice but the top speed is 50kmph? =\ I felt like I was going to Malaysia already...tooling along at 50kmph for what felt like half the country. Went home for a while, then went to Vivo to meet YM and the twins. Watched Orphan. I expected a ghost story but it was a thriller and WAYYY better than I expected.

Some parts were kinda sick and make you wince and cringe but ooh the movie is pretty darn good. You can just hear the collective intake of breath as pain approaches. The suspense is as close to killing you as can get and this happens several times during the movies. It has a interesting plot and they manage to build it up nicely to get you to those tipping over suspenseful moments you hardly get nowadays.

There are just too many the-clock-is-ticking-hero-on-the-way! moments in cinema already. Everyone knows what to expect. But for this show you know everything is fair game. The-clock-is-ticking but where's the hero? Aha. That's where they pull it off. A tad gruesome and cringe-inducing, but if you can get past that, it really is a very good thriller that pretty much leaves you on the edge of your seat with it's tightly woven suspense. Must watch.

After the show, went to Kovan to have a bit of supper before getting a ride home i Ym's car. We discussed about another overseas trips. Maybe backpacking London? Definitely KIV. And maybe Vegas, baby.

[update]
Nothing much today. Went amk hub for dinner. Had Aston's. Walked around a bit, went back tomorrow is book out day. Well, Sat is canceled. =[ Which means things have turned out worse than expected. I dunno if i contributed to it. =[
[/update]

Oh shit, we're in trouble now. Thing is, how do I fix this? Help me out here, people. Don't shoot the messenger. See now, a few days back, tak asked if i was coming to this picnic with her and kenneth and steph and alvin and ben. So, not having anything on, i said yes. Next, earlier, val smsed asking if i wanted to go for lunch, which she was organising wit xw. I told her about the earlier thing.

So now she's not exactly thrilled she was left out. And she not happy. With me, presumably. Thing is, i didn't know about it until tak asked, and ben was supposed to ask me. So now, did someone forgot to let val and xw know? Please please fix this. It's not a good feeling to have one of your closest friends mad at you especially when you don't know what's going on. =( Look i'm sorry, but i have no idea how this happened.

Worked more on our project today. Everyone's been feeling tired. Nothing much else. Went to the mess to watch The Prestige DVD. Tomorrow is nights out. Kinda irritated. Mobile internet is kinda off and my pt kit went missing. =.= came back to find the hanger and nothing else. Shit. Now i'm left with only one. Don't know if i can get it back. Can't find it. How screwed up.

Nobody cares about the man in the box...the one who disappears.

-The Prestige

Spent the whole day doing stuff in the office. Kinda interesting but tiring. More of the same tomorrow. =/ At least half of the week will be gone. Bored. Sucks. Don't know how i carry on with no motivation in life, but i just do. It'll get better, one way or another.

Keep on going even though you die a little more each day. Because sooner or later, the dying stops. Either that you die first.

[update]
Back in camp. Today was okay i guess. We talked over dinner and after, before going over to help val shift her stuff. Army is a downer. Had to book in. Ben left with me because he had to go back early anyway. I got a ride to camp. Val broke a bottle of alcohol in the mess of things. When moving about i nearly knocked one bottle over. Haha. We managed to clean up the mess.

Back to the daily grind again. Life is perfectly boring. I need a life. Badly. Sigh. Can't wait for this to be over. I'm fine here and i'm good at what I do. But damn i can't wait to get out. Life is too restricted.
[/update]

I'm not worried about him. I'm worried about myself. But I'll pull it off. What else can I do?

I want to talk and you want me to tell you, but you're so...busy. When?

Cough got really bad this morning. Crap. Maybe I'll report sick in camp. Heading over to Ubi to get a ride over to Val's place I guess.

Everything is f'ed up straight from the start,
tell me what do you do when it all falls apart?

-When It All Falls Apart, The Veronicas

[UPDATE]
Updated my blog profile yesterday. Some new stuff. =) Went YM's place at 130. I forgot the time...was too engrossed in playing DnD. =X Went expo. Alright, but I didn't see much that interested me. I couldn't resist and picked up 20th Century Ghosts by Joe Hill. Looks promising.

Anyway if I'm not wrong, Joe Hill is the pseudonym of Stephen King's son. Awesome. =P Need to renew The Stand for next week. After expo, went home, been online all this while. What a way to waste my weekends. I sure hope uni will be a whole lot more exciting than this.
[/UPDATE]

Been coughing quite a bit recently. Pretty sure I'm sick. What a coincidence, in The Stand by Stephen King which I'm reading now, the story begins with a highly lethal superflu attacking America. Going Expo for the Borders exhibition with YM. Wonder if I should spend...probably not.

This is so Infernal Affairs. Hmm. Methinks no one will know my blog. I'm the only one of us to read my pioneer's blog. Hmm. So, should I raise up the issue of their discontent? I think it's better of me to keep quiet and pretend I don't read. Lest I sound too intrusive and it may make the issue bigger. Anyway, it's not as though I have my hands full of issues already. Damn.

Anyway I shall sort out some platoon stuff next week. Sigh. IF I remember to do so of course. It doesn't look nice. All the more better if I can just push it off my plate. Still, it feels good to take command once in a while. Not that I can't though but probably one of the reasons I always say 'I dunno' and 'see how' outside is because I can't be arsed to decide. Too lazy. =)

Went for driving in the morning, came back for lunch. Been watching recorded TV shows all day, and playing DnD on FB. Helps to pass the time. Think of it as saving money I guess. But I'm still getting bored.

[UPDATE]
Haze today looks pretty bad. It was nice and windy today and I didn't even realise I hadn't turned on the fan. Only when I saw the city turn foggy and shut the windows did I realise it. Stupid haze. Maybe I've been playing DnD for too long. My luck seems to be running out. =.= Had pretty shitty adventures the past few times. What are the chances of rolling a 1 on a 20-sided die twice in a row?? =.= Pretty bored today. Damn.

Finally back home. Had a 16k run today. Very tiring. Then after that lunch and Safety Day. Talk about bad timing. Everyone just couldn't wait to get back to bunk. Went back, showered, and crawled into bed, taking my well-deserved rest...until book out. A handphone was discovered missing. =.= We were supposed to leave at 1630, but after the subsequent ruckus and searching of everyone, we managed to have RO at 1730.

THEN someone stirred our shit. Told our guys the rubbish point was dirty. Talk about timing. AGAIN. So by the time they came back, it was about 6. Then we discovered that the CDO had 2 copies of the BRO, and not 1 BRO 1 CRO. =.= Had to wait for the swap. Left camp and realised that 103 just left. =.=

Walked out. Took the bus home. Played my PSP. JUST missed my stop. Had to walk back. By then I was very irritated but what can you do? Sometimes Life throws you a fast one, and all you can do is to duck and hope it misses you. Sometimes though, it gets you in the face and you go down. What next? Get up, of course.

And then sometimes it kicks you in the kidneys when you're down too. Just curl up and wait for it to stop. You can't do anything about it anyway. That's why when I get these streaks of bad luck, I just wanna go to bed and sleep it off until it goes away to disturb someone else. Seriously, what's it gonna do? Make the roof collapse? Ah well, life goes on. Going to watch Up later tonight. =)

[UPDATE]
Up was a pretty great show. I liked it a lot. Laughed quite a bit. Internet is screwy. =.= Can't download stuff from mediafire because i get this stupid blue striped bar like something is loading forever, and I can't view my own blog because it says my network is sending out automated requests. WTH. =.= Mediafire better be fixed and Google too when I get back from driving in the morning. =.=
[/UPDATE]

Nothing much today. Did some stuff for our project. Went for nights out at tamp. Dinner at subway and then walked around, browsed a bookstore before coming back.

Some thoughts: I think today was a classic case of the top losing touch with the ground. This is not pointing fingers or laying blame. It is not insult or anything either. I'm just saying, it happens. At most, it can be taken as constructive criticism.

I do not think anyone was really at fault. These things do happen. See, even when discussing the event, subconsciously we were thinking about the march. Not the run after. We didn't expect it to be a full trial. Imagine our surprise. It's been too long, and what happened to progressive training? You can't just say and expect things to happen -poof- just like you are used to all the time. We try our best to make things go the way the top says, but even people have their limits.

Firstly, the pioneers have been running on alternate days this week. 4 and 6. They have had force training everyday. It has been months since they last underwent such a trial. The last goes for us. The driver have spent the last 2 months without regular physical training. Was it so unexpected that there was such a high rate of fallout? When out of the blue you throw a full trial at them?

Sat training wouldn't really have been good for the morale. It calls to mind forcibly crushing that capability into them without bringing into consideration the time they've gone without such a high-intensity training for months. Such a capability is built up over time, and it can degrade. I wouldn't really say it's their fault. Yet, we can take this incident as a lesson and learn from it. But do we have the "moral courage" to point that out? Oh well there are two sides of a coin.

I think i'm ok. Went through a rough patch but i'm over it. I hope. I still wouldn't mind that phone call though...

I have been thinking much recently. I am grateful for the smaller things in life.

I am grateful for taking the steps to get mobile internet.

I am grateful for cable tv.

I am grateful for novels.

I am grateful for what can be called a decent army life.

I am grateful for a decent family life.

I am grateful for a place in uni.

I am grateful for my friends.

Because although luck has been with me in some of my lives, it has been sorely lacking in others. What a pity, it being so unbalanced. Still, i am grateful for small mercies. I wait for the weekends and the eventual passing of time that i know will come. It is a pity to squander time at such an age and the while away its passing, but it cannot be helped any more than i can help waiting for next Feb.

All i know is that this will help me savour its transience and my freedom all the more when i am free. And to truly enjoy the fruits of youth while i still can. Because time is the fine sand that slips through our fingers.

Looking forward to another weekend. Woke up, discussed project a little, went for lunch. Discussed project somemore, went up. Went AMK. Sumo house. Pretty cheap. Spent 5.10. Then went AMK hub walk. Went back. 6k run tomorrow. Need to run off that unhealthy fried snack i koped from tommy. Yet another day over. Hoping to have something fun to do this long weekend.

Force activation today. Ok i guess. Haven done one in a real long time. Back in charge of the platoon again. Only platoon to do so. Special. =.= Oh well, i slipped back into the role well enough.

Nothing really special. Had some fun and games in the evening. Fun for them at least. =.= Won't go into details, too dangerous. Life doesn't have much meaning nowadays. I live for the weekends. My motivations are waiting for ORD and my pay and saving as much money as possible and driving.

Tomorrow will hopefully be a more relaxed day. Payday in a week. Weekend in 4 days.

Spent the whole of today at home watching Tv. Was quite tired from my late nights. Didn't really feel like sleeping last night so after coming home, I FBed and then watched one of the DVDs I borrowed. Watched the Truman Show. Then slept at about 5plus. Haha. Then woke at 1pm. Had lunch, watched recorded episodes of the Mythbusters, and the ending of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on Star Movies, then watched Behind Enemy Lines. I wanted to watch The Little Shop of Horrors on HBO but decided on the former. More Mythbusters and Survivorman. Dinner. Digital cable is great. Especially recording your shows.

No one ever really pays for betrayal in silver...the price of any betrayal always comes due in flesh.

-The Gunslinger, Stephen King

Went driving this morning. Tried out the street circuit. HAHA. Or test route if you prefer. I made quite a few mistakes. Stopping on gradients is an interesting challenge. After that, I went home. Stayed there and messed about on my com till about 5 then went out. Shawn was late. YM too actually. We met up and went to City Hall. Walked to the Odeon Towers. Been past but never actually went there. I vaguely remember the passing Odeon in JC. On the 3rd floor is the Loof Bar. Went up there, tried their food and had 1 Loof Life. Was quite ok. The place is actually quite nice, and has nice ambience. Wouldn't mind going back another time. Pics on FB!

After that decided to go watch the Hangover. Shawn was meeting his GF and the twins were at the elder one's birthday dinner (haha the elder ones like HP Lovecraft) so I watched with YM. It was loud, vulgar, obscene and pretty funny. Haha. They missed out on it. It was fun to watch. Lol. After that went back home.

Still bleeding from the inside

Sometimes we lie to ourselves so much, we could do it for a living.

- Duma Key, Stephen King

[From last night]
Just finished my videos on FB. Wow. I sound fucked up and look fucked up. Goodness knows probably like 35 mins of shit up on FB. Jeez. I know it's the alcohol but OMG. It's one thing to see it on video. At least now I know what not to do when drunk. The thing is whether I still remember what NOT to do. It's probably this feeling that triggered this.

In other news, yes I AM fucked up. Sigh. So fucked up beyond belief. It's only through sheer will that I carry on. I don't know how I do it myself. I always appear so happy in camp. No one noticed anything at all. Ever. Somehow I automatically know how to bring up my facade. It's all inside.

And mainly how it works is that I've developed such strong barriers that slam shut all the doors as soon as I come upon them and make myself forget them. When my subconscious makes me forget them, the surface carries on as per normal. Voila! Normalcy. Imagine a hallway full of partially opened doors. As you approach close enough to make out the labels, they slam shut one by one all the way down. That coupled with the distraction of the outside helps.

I may not feel it as much as before but this is not really recovery. Not yet. Not by a long shot. This may be harder than I first thought.

(I did have fun with my friends outside. It was an enjoyable experience. We went to Bukit Timah for supper, then Kovan. It's a good feeling to meet up with my friends whom I've not seen in a long time. But back here alone in the quiet of my room, doors open up.)

[This morning]
Woke up with a feeling of unresolved conflict and unfinished business. It's been bugging this morning. Even the thought of driving can't chase it away. Still don't know if I should go class gathering among other things. I feel like it could go any way. Also, I'm meeting my friends at 6 at Raffles Place, so it may be convenient to go City Hall at 3.30pm. AH SCREW IT. Not going ba. I'm not really in the mood for games anyway. Gonna go home and upload chalet vids and then wait till 5 to go Raffles Place.