"I feel my fate in what I cannot fear.
I learn by going here I have to go."
-The Waking, Theodore Roethke

Went bowling yesterday. Was quite alright I guess. Later went out to watch Painted Skin with Shawn, YM, Sixu and Siwei. Midnight movie, return home at 3. Lol. TOday, just went out for breakfact. Dunno what to do. Bored, really. My current MSN nick is "Adrift in the sea of life; I've lost my compass." Why? Its because I don't know what to do with during the weekends. There's a feeling of discontentment. I have absolutely no plans for it at all, until it arrives with a great banging and clamouring that is the frantic joyful packing of my bag before I leave camp.

Then when I'm out, do I start poking around and thinking of things to do and people to ask out. But my weekends seem to lack the life and fun it once had. What a way to spend my only time outside. Time passes in a blur and before I know it, it's Sunday again. But what can I do? My life seems to lack the vitality and joie de vivre it once possessed. Rather disappointing. I feel as though there's something missing.

Yet I despair not, because as faraway as it seems, there will come an end to this purgatory; this state of helpless limbo I'm trapped in. This will come to an end. And I realised something some time back. The fact that I have so many wonderful treasured memories to lean on in dark times, so many recollections of the past that warm the heart, made me realise that I have been really lucky. Lucky to have a great family. Lucky to have such wonderful friends. Absolutely the best in the world, the times we had. Lucky in life. Lucky to get into uni.

I've had a good run so far, and I really can't complain. Sure there are times when things go awry, but what does it matter in the grand scheme of things? Balance it out with my past, how lucky I've been to have such great people in my life. Even in the army I've been lucky enough to get into a decent vocation, to get something what I actually wanted,and that something that is not easy to get into in the first place.

I've been fortunate enough to lead a decent life full of light, love, laughter, and learning. And well, Life is not bad. Not good, not great, but quite alright. I can tolerate it for a while more. Even if I were to die soon, I'd be contented with what I have had before; contented with all that I've been given. Even if I were to go, at least I'll have experienced some of the best life had to offer.


(I love this song. =P)

"It's only life. We all get through it."
- Odd Hours, Dean Koontz

The past week has been pretty much uneventful. MOPP4 march was a killer. Finished last at 47 mins. Passing time is 1 hour, but gawd, it's way way way harder than I expected. Marching 4km in a gas mask and wrapped up from head to toe in a practically airtight suit in the hot morning sun is no joke. It seriously pushes you mentally and physically. I have no idea how I made it through. You just somehow have to not break.

And I've got the march and a mask run next week. =\ I hope I can pass. Mostly lectures and equipment this week. There's a stray kitten in my camp. I named it Carbon, after the carbon in our suits that makes our sweat and our clothes turn black, and protects us from chemicals. I went down to play with it one night till lights out. Made me miss all the times outside, and how long has it been since I played with animals.

Carbon is still a little afraid out humans but I was able to get quite close to it, and some other people too. It like to hang out at my company line. The night I went down, I clattered down the steps, and scared it away. I saw a small black shape dart into the drain and run a few metres away. I walked to the drain and stood there quietly watching him. I'm not too sure if Carbon is a boy or girl. =\ Carbon turned to look at me, and hesitated. Then it made an about turn and ran back towards me. All (s)he does it play in the drains and hide under the cars.

I squatted there and played with Carbon for quite a while. (S)he seemed to be fascinated by the glow from my phone and I used it to attract him/her as a toy. Carbon playfully batted at it and my hand a few times. Lucky I was using my phone as a "buffer" because (s)he stuck it it with claws out a coupla times. Lol. I'm bringing in cat-friendly food next time. The past few days Carbon has been hiding under the cars here. It's still afraid of people touchig it but I so wanna keep it. =X An in-camp pet. Lol!

Can't really think of anything much to blog about. Not sure what to do during my weekends also. =[ I gotta leave the house early on Sun. Frick. I'm thinking of bowling or something. Shooting would be worth considering. Haha. =P

Funny event of the week:

Cadet A was sleeping and accidentally banged Cadet B's cupboard with his hand, resulting in a long "Bang!". Cadet B, still in the grip of sleep, shot up, sat up straight, and asked: "Are we going to war?!" The news of Cadet B's constant preparedness soon made its way around the course the next morning. Haha.

Today was quite fun. I got Monster Hunter 2 for my PS, thought I'd try it out, keep me entertained for a while. Went to PS in the morning, though everyone was late. (lol) Met tak, xw, weijin, and ben. Had lunch at Subway, then walked around a bit. I got (or will be getting) new speakers! yay! Happy Birthday to me. =P And XW got a new MP3, so Happy Birthday too! =D Then took XW's car (AHH THE JEALOUSY!! *Hacks Jealousy into little bits a la Monster Hunter 2*. T_T) down to Suntec because tak wanted to say hi to her friend and Ben was meeting Raye there.

Saw plenty of stuff there, very tempting but then I also want a fantastic gamer computer and I don't have that much time, so heck. =.= Watched the Rock Band Competition till it ended, and we all left for home. I find it ironic that the way we came and the way we left is so similar to our lives...

From different routes, we arrived at a common destination, and through luck or fate met up. We made our way on a long journey (it seems so short now) together to our next stop, whereupon the eventual must happen. As all good times must come to an end, all good days must too, and even as we relive the times that we missed, we have to bid farewell to one another. We leave by different routes from the ones we took, some leave alone, some with others, some with a different person they came with. All heading in entirely different paths from before. The future lies ahead.

He could hardly breathe. He had double vision. The up and down motion of his field of vision made him dizzy. He felt like puking, but to vomit at this moment would be pure disaster. He could not afford to have an "accident" in his mask. The mask was heavy, and the bottom part kept pressing against his throat, worsening the choking sensation.

It was the 2k gas mask run. The temporary optical inserts did not match his exact degrees, and only served to make him more nauseous. But despite all the uncomfortable sensations and the minimal oxygen, he pushed on and managed to complete it in 11 mins plus. Quite the experience indeed.

Had our first gas mask run. It was pretty much as described above. but I suppose soon I'll get used to it. It really tests you and pushes you to your limits because it is pretty uncomfortable. But it's good training. Furthermore, it suddenly rained on the way back. =.= Taking off the mask feels like heaven.
---

"Purple light..."

"Training to be soldiers..."

"In the valley..."

"Fight for our land..."

"That is where..."

"Once in our lives..."

"I wanna be..."

The voices of two competing platoons marching to breakfast shattered the still morning air as their songs floated up three stories and crashed around the silent room.

Groaning, K awoke and took a look at his clock. He swore and stuck his head beneath his pillows, using it to cover his ears and tried to go back to sleep.

Quite an alright week. Life here has been alright. Am getting adequate rest. Lights out at 2230, wake at 0545 or so. Mostly lectures. Dealing with expensive stuff here. Lots of stuff to learn.I got 84 for my 2nd test! (Passing mark is 70.) Yay! I'm so happy. Haha. I think I've said it before, but I make it a point to score well for my tests.

Hope I can do well for the first test. Haven't got results yet. Nothing much interesting this week. Played with our suits. I've got smoke training next Mon. Sigh. More tear gas. ='] literally. Lol!

"The dose is very low; it won't kill you, but it could injure you if you take in excessine [amounts] or...it could kill you."

It seems really weird to be studying again. Somehow, I've slipped easily back into the routine of sitting beside my com, reading my notes with music playing. It feels just like before. Let's hope I can pass this test well.

Had a nice long MSN convo wih tak last night. Seems really long since I actually had a proper conversation with my friends. Feels really good. Hopefully we can all go out sometime soon. But for now, they have their own life to live, and so have I.

"I can ride my bike with no handlebars, no handlebars, no handlebars..."

-Handlebars, Flobots

Today has been quite ok. Woke up in the afternoon, got some stuff done, then went to one of my relative's house for her kid's 1st birthday celebration. Its...nice. Located around Holland V. The Marbella condo. Very nice looking indeed. hlift lobby has a panel with a camera through which you can call any unit's resident, and they can see you. omg. I've never seen that before. The landscaping is also very nice.

After that went to meet Shawn, went to Vivo to shop. I feel like I had a limited variety of stuff to wear. =[ Got a tee for Pull and Bear. Considered a jacket but decided to wait. Ended up couldn't find it when we went to Orchard later. Maybe I'll get it next week. Oh and I think I just got my pay. Nice. =]

Speaking of pay, poor Shawn has to survive on quite little because he has to pay for his own meals, and he's stay out, so he has to pay like $6 in transport everyday. He spends $60 a week like this. So now he's finally started to save and cut on his spending. Which is good because he never did that before, even when I asked him to. Army really does change people. Lol.

"On friday you will have your first PT (Physical Training). It will be...Captain's Ball."

"Huh?"
"Captain's Ball???"
"Wah! So good?"
"Eh fun!"

"In gas masks."

[Collective]"Ahhhh..."

Went back to ETI, and took the bus down to Seletar Camp, and thus begins my life there for the rest of my NS life. Lol. It seems quite alright. Very nice and quiet, although very deep inside the area. It seems to exist all by itself, a happy little encapsulated world left to its own devices. About 1.2km walk to the most convenient bus stop. That or a 20 min wait for 103. You decide.

Seems alright though. I don't mind it too much. Very small, very...cosy?
---
"A bomb suit does not mean you are Superman."
-Warrant Gerard

First few days were all lectures. A bit hard (lol understatement) to keep awake, so I'll need to bring sweets or something. Need to do quite a bit of stuff over the weekend first. Gotta study also. Got a test coming up next test, and I better pass. I've taken pride in scoring well in all my tests in NS, except the uh...Highway Code Test. =X But let's not count that. I've managed to score 70-80% average for all my theory tests so far.

Furthermore, this may be quite a challenge because I'll be acquainting myself with Bio and Chem once more, and this test will have a lot more substance to it compared to the rest. Furthermore, due to the nature of my work, I darn well better know what I'm doing.

"They tell you you will survive, but they don't tell you HOW you survive."
-Warrant Gerard, on bomb suits
---

One thing good about this place is that, including the long walk out, I took only about 40 mins to reach home. Which is an OMG drastic improvement. I came home in a fairly good mood because I hadn't booked out so early in ages, and the sky was still blue, for goodness sake! And the time? A huge drop compared to the 1hr++ transport I had.

It was night. He walked alone under the stars in the velvet sky. The only sounds around were the crickets, and the crunching sound of his worn sneakers on the gravel underfoot. He was all alone, and to him it mattered not, for it was no different from what he felt every weekend. He hated it.

It was worse when he was inside. He dared not call them, for fear of disturbing them. It felt like they had no time for him, but this was wrong. People had their own lives to lead. He wished so much for the good old days. Hands in his pockets and with his head bowed, he walked on, deep in thought.

A crunching sound startled him, and he looked up, finding the wet mournful eyes of a stray black dog on the other side of the path. They regarded each other for a moment, and then looked away. Both walked on. But in that moment, a million unspoken things were said. It was akin to a subtle nod between old friends, an acknowledgment between kindred spirits.

The boy and his dog each went their separate ways, heading in opposite directions, each once more alone in his own world.

I'm home! Booked out at 4pm today. Got our beret yesterday, had Cohesion night after admin stuff. Bought a round of drinks for everyone seeing as how some contributed to the food. Today was just doing some admin stuff too, before booking out. Wanted to go out, but seeing as how I reached home in the evening, I decided to stay home.

I'm going to Seletar Camp tomorrow, and I got into CBRE! Which is what I wanted! EOD is interesting and exciting and there's the dog unit and you'll have a particular dog assigned to your team which is so cool, but it's at Changi. Each of my choices has its positives and negatives. =P Plus the camp is much much closer to my home, and is probably as good as it gets. Life is oging to get much more interesting, thanks to the nature of my work. What I'm going to do is not exactly commonplace, nor is it highly publicized. Every trade has its secrets. =P

I'm really happy to be able to get into such an elite unit that requires such rigourous tests just to enter, and I have a feeling NS may actually be getting fun. Thing is, my weekends are going to be an risk, and my public holidays, but that's unavoidable. Sometimes, sacrifices must be made.

"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots..."

-Thomas Jefferson

Maybe not tyrants, but burnt weekends. =\ Lol. Anyone want to go out this weekend? Gotta start enjoying them while I can. =X Plus, there's a big day coming up!

Mm...last night was indeed fun. Haha. Went down to MoS with 5 other section mates. First time there though. Music wasn't too fantastic. The aim was to let two of them experience something new for once. But before the festivities could commence, we needed to "water parade" first. Lol.

First up were tequilas all round, and later on Vodka with Red Bull. Then B-52.(Nice!) Tried some Graveyard, Bourbon Coke and Vodka Sprite, and then had AK-47. Heheh. I was still sober though. I was in full possession of my mental faculties, albeit a little woozy and very high. All in all a very fun night out.

Went home at close to 4, but woke up at 10am. Strangely, I woke up earlier after going out to club, compared to just staying at home when I'd usually wake at 11 or 12. Most likely going to switch camp next week.

I'm out again. I'm going out soon though. Haha. This week was quite ok. Nights out was fun. Hmm. Be moving to Seletar on Wed, and there's transport so maybe I'll have to stay in. Can't decide if that's good or bad. =S And I just remember it's only 6 more days to...be spending it in camp. =[ How will it be this year?

I'm at my friend's house now.

Had nights out today. Amazing. Never thought I'd get one here. Lol. Seem like miracles do happen. Like it raining just before our IPPT was due to start. Had my CBRE interview today. I never would have thought getting to a vocation in NS would take so much effort and that I'd try so hard for it. =[ I really want to get in.

Had to go through a comprehensive behavioural sciences test(supposedly 99.9% accurate with complete behaviour analysis), a physical/combat fitness test, and an interview by several high-ranking officers. And now, it all comes down to next Tues. =[