Mugged a bit today. Watched some Naruto. Nothing much to say I guess. Changi has changed a lot...been a while since I last went...
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. So this is how it is.

Falling sick was definitely not on my list of Things-I-Want-To-Do-This-Holiday. =[ Watching Pirates definitely was though. And Shrek 3 is on the cards too. Lol. IF I have time that is...my nose resembles the edge of the Earth in PotC 3 where the ship tumbles over, following an infinite amount of water.


Bet our gahmen would love to find a way to kope all that water for our NEWater plant. =P And has anyone wondered with all that water flowing off, how the sea levels actually remain constant??? You'd think after implementing the flat-planet system, the Creator would've scratched his head, watched all the life on that planet die, and fire his Celestial Planet Designer.


Or maybe...he could've come up with a solution...(SPOILER WARNING)

I got lazy with writing so I just typed the words in...


Anyway, back on topic, its not easy to concentrate when you're sick and feeling lethargic all the time. =\ I tried to sleep, but usually I can't in the afternoon unless I'm really wasted. Maybe I'll sleep earlier tonight or something...but I'm still trying to squeeze in some more time with the Chem TYS.

After squandering the past...5 days of the holidays I think I need to try mugging a little harder. After so many things happening maybe I'm just a little too stressed out, and I've spent the past days trying to relax...well, sorta. Lol. I might be cutting down on blogging unless there's something going on since basically what you all will be reading will be "I mugged today", or maybe "I tried to mug today but ended up doing so-and-so." or maybe some random thoughts of mine. =\ Depends. Going to try and see how much I can squeeze in today.

Damn its true. I obviously CANNOT take my GP paper in peace. I arrived a little late today, BUT still made it becuase they hadn't started yet. I walked in with Ben and the teacher gave that Royally Pissed Off look. Oh shit #1. Then the paper started. I realised I left my wallet and IC outside. Oh shit #2. Then he came. Looked as me with the RPO face. "Do you expect me to read your name from your face?"


"I...er...left my wallet outside. Should I go get it?"
"Marked as absent." -walks on-
No Oh shit #3. More of OH FUCK #1. I was totally stunned. I was like wtfshitnononononothiscantbehappenningeverythingisscrewedupsssshit.


Brilliant. Just brilliant. I stared at the paper. Now what? I scanned the paper but I was not sure what to choose. After having to deal with a personal crisis the night before, I was dealt a second blow the next day. I wasn't even sure how I could carry on under the weight. But I had to. Even if for nothing, then let it be as a final "Screw You." to the Establishment. I wasn't going down without a fight.



I composed myself and started writing. And I didn't even have a lot of points. I wrote a paragraph or so, then realised something odd about the question. Crush. Restart. Changed question. I tried my best to hold up and to go on. In my mind, visions of him tearing up my script, and myself failing the mid-years flashed before me, I would show my future empolyers my resume, and they would look at me incredulously. You failed GP? I forced these thoughts out of my mind, and rebuilt the mental wall.


I was going to give it all I got. I wasn't exactly of 100% "sound mind" at that time, but I certainly was going to write the hell out of it. Then a while into the paper, someone's phone kept ringing non-stop. Out of the blur of thuoghts in my brain, a single line rose up clear above all. "This is the cheerful tune that will accompany my descent on the path of self-destruction." The phone kept ringing throughout the paper. I wrote.


At the end of it all, I think my hands were just shaking. Would he rip my script in front of me? As a last act of desperation, I penned a short note seeking mercy at the end of my script.

I left my wallet and IC in my bag outside. The invigilator has said he marked me as absent. I still write this essay to demonstrate my "determination to persevere".[I used this phrase in my essay] I will not give up without a fight. I can only pray I do not fail.


If I truly am "absent", I would like to thank you for your time and consideration. I am truly regretful it had to turn out like this. I also would like to apologise for the quality of my work as I was not exactly of "sound mind" when I wrote it.

He took my paper. But he did not tear it. Still a part of me told me to wait until he got to the teacher's table. But it did not happen. Would I go through? I asked Ben if he thought I'd be "absent". He said that he wouldn't think so. Nevertheless, I will not put any trust in that. Its not in any way a comment on Ben's reliability, but Life has taught me never to expect anything too good to happen. Ever.


Which is why I still firmly believe that I am screwed for the paper. At least until I see hard proof. Its just like my GP block test all over again. This (emo/cynical/pragmatic/my) way of thinking was only cultivated by several incidents of harsh suffering I have experienced at the sadistic and cruel hands of Life and Fate and whatnot and can be easily summarised in this line from Jeffrey Archer.


"I always expect the worst, so that whenever anything good happens I'll be pleasantly surprised."


=]
Later went to Marina Bay to get my redrilled ball. Works ok. Now I have an extra spinner ball. Lol.

Woke up early to hit Kovan Mac to mug. Bought my bio notes to memorise since I expected I wouldn't be able to do any heavy work. Just studying bio was also a slow and sleep inducing process. Somehow managed to get a bit in. Later when Eliza left for tuition I went to get my stuff and went down to Kovan to bowl with Shawn. Did ok I guess. Helped to take my mind off stuff for a while. Hah. Later he joined us to study.


With people about I could forget about things for a while. GP test tomorrow. Feeling pretty sianed. Don't think I am in a mood to write a GP essay. Lol. I can only hope I do not screw up. Am I always cursed to take GP on days when I'm not feeling good? Block test too, and last year's promos I woke up late for the exams, which left my mind scrambled.


I have thought about this for quite a bit, and have decided to say this just for the record. I do not want to argue. I will simply state my point of view, and I will (hopefully) say no more on the matter. The rest...is up to you.


One thing which I don't really like is to be accused of doing something which I didn't do (except in the case of homework), which is why I wish to make myself clear once and for all(perhaps for posterity's sake?)...the events were as I describe, and no more. I know obviously that this will not convince you. I have no intention of changing your mind. Only you can do that. I just want to say it was not as you thought. I just want to tell my side of the story. But then again, how do you explain what I said? I can't. That's what makes this such a thorny issue. I cannot explain what I cannot control and have no prior knowledge of, but all the more you will only say I am denying it. And what does that leave me with? Nothing to defend myself. It was not of my doing, but neither was it or anyone else's but simply the strange ways the world works in...how do I disprove what you think? I will admit; I cannot. Which is why I am stuck in this corner. You might never even read this, but I just want it to be known. My side. I wish it didn't have to turn out like this...on these terms. But I truly have no way at ALL to change what you think. I'm sorry.


I'm sorry you don't believe me.
I'm sorry it had to end this way.
But I know what I said was the truth,
and that's good enough for me.


It just wasn't good enough for you.


Now then do I see the irony, the final twist of the knife, the last grain of salt in the wound. In that somehow, Fate connected to me to this song by The Fray as I was about to leave the house last Sunday.
(The full lyrics are in the 20/5/07 post)

"Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness"

-"How to save a life", The Fray

[UPDATE]
Never explain--your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway.
Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915)


I saw this on Joshua's blog. His latest post. If this is not obviously some kind of...sign, I don't know what it is. The enemies part is too harsh, of course. I have NO wish for anything of the sort. Its just...relevant. I also didn't want this to turn out this way. Not even as accquaintances. At the end of this you may think this is just some silly concocted elaborate story. I can't change that. But at least I know that I have said what I want to say, and I rest my case. My only wish is that this matter is buried. And that perhaps it had never happened at all too.



-=[K]=-
28 May 2007

Hmm. Spent today doing work. 1st day I tried to adhere to the timetable. Not used to waking up at 9am on holidays, so I spent 20 extra mins in bed to work off the sleepiness. Thought I'd swap my Bio study hour with the breakfast one. Ended up going out for breakfast, then rushing.


Not that good but I'll try to pick up. Sigh. Hopefully I'll get in more tomorrow...going out to study again. Right now I just want to go out with my friends and slack all the way till I'm happy. I don't feel well. In fact I feel downright emo. Sigh. But what can I do? Well, sit at home at 10:51PM and listen to MCR, then. Hah. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.


I almost can't take this life anymore. Rushing home for tuition today, I saw this guy dressed obviously headed for Orchard Road or someplace nice. Then it occurred to me, I was in a prison. Not a literal prison per se, but a prison of books. Like a caged animal, I can only pace the enclosure, occasionally try the bars. Escape is easy, and perfectly possible all the time, but there is a steep price to pay.


What's more, this price will be exacted on me, and there is no escape. So like a trapped creature, I occasionally slink out, to the movie or to go bowling, but I always return to my cage of books at the end of the day, to forcibly nourish myself on a diet of pain and suffering, at least until I try to break out at the end of the year. I don't even want to think what if it fails.


I want out.

Today was uneventful. Went to play bowling with Shawn and Navin. Games were weird. High one moment, low the next. =.= Went home, finished sorting out stuff, and drew up a timetable in which I'm going to cram 10 hours of mugging and 6 or so hours of sleep in a day. I'll try to follow it as much as possible. =] Now its time for the picture flood of i-son't-know-how-many-days! Sorry if you have a slow internet. Hehs.

I find this picture artistic in a weird surreal sorta way. This pic is very meaningful and yummy. Lol. Took it while mugging.
Terence dismantling our 3 bowling bag so they only form a dibagtide not a polybagtide.
Er. off focus camera.
Life!
Life.
My mum got this at Vivocity. Queued for 30 mins on a Monday afternoon. o_O
Now come the pics taken on A div days. Mainly consist of very candid shots of various people sleeping. Haha...











Ha! We found specs thicker than yours, Shawn!
Alvin looks great in that hat. xD
Some old desolate and creepy ghost town of a shopping mall located at the back of Shaw Towers where Ben got his earphones.










Pepper Flakes in Water

Artist: Me

Year: 2007

Medium:Red Pepper, Water, Cup, Handphone camera

Some old desolate and creepy ghost town of a bowling alley. At least until the dinner crowd arrive.
Galvyn getting attacked with fat plastic tubes at the National Stadium. ^^

DAMN I hate my FUCKING internet. I just want to scream at it. Freakin thing keeps pissing me off. It and the old computer were the only two inanimate objects ever to pump my blood pressure so high I simply felt I had to assault them to release all the tension. Feel like screaming non-stop and taking to the stupid thing with a sledgehammer. The damn thing is so infuriatingly intermittent it would make a pacifist take up arms. =.=

When it works ok, it well, works ok. When it has PMS or moodswings or whatever, its enough to kill you with anger. How would you like the internet to DISCONNECT EVERY 5 MINS? Oh, and you have to fix it manually. Like reset the stupid FUCKING box(poke a pen into tiny reset button at the back for 15 secs) and then log onto the the settings, change the access pass, change the wireless pass, and I'm not even mentioning changing the name of the network back. Once all that is done, it disconnects 5 mins again. Like WTF?!

This stage happened some weeks ago. At its worst, my sis would be using the main com, and me in my room. Once the thing goes pop on mine, I'd shout to her that it had f-ed up(obviously I don't like typing out the full word out that many times in my blog...) again and she'd reset the entire thing. If it went pop on hers she'd give me a heads up on the reset, so I'd know what was going on and she redo the entire thing again. Perfectly infuriating and a waste of time. Hate this shit.


Today was ok. Dug out ALL 2yrs work and sorted it out. Later when down to Kovan pro shop to look at (bowling) balls. Shawn got his Tornado today. By coincidence, TJ were holding their bowling elective there today. It was pretty long also...I also wanna bowl for hours non-stop...=] Oh and I saw Pris there also. Said hi. ^^ Then left to get home and change to go see Pirates with the rest. Was not bad.


The plotlines are as nurmerous as the number of swords we seen in the film and woven about as tightly as one of the many thick ropes seen in the movies, so it can get a litle confusing. And the betraying is as they say, "like free like that". In fact I tihnk there was quadruple or quintuple-crossing, instead of the usual double. People switched sides faster than you can say "Shazam!".


The fights were big, they were loud, they were awesome and dramatic. Oh and there's a wedding, but to say more would be a spoiler. =X In fact I could ruin the whole thing for everyone on Tues. Lol. IF I could actually remember what was going on on each plotline and keep from getting mixed up. And and if anyone has any smart comments, I did not watch Pirates 2 (thankyousingaporeeducationsystem) so maybe that's why I'm getting lost.


Went for supper at Pastamania later then left for home. Wait. DAMN. Lost my internet again. dammit dammit dammit argh!!!!!!!! =.= That's it. I'm tired. I cant upload my pics. I don't want to waste my time on this crap. I'm going to sleep. Ok. Fixed it. Had to go through the stupid process that I described just now. If that fails, I shut off the power to everything. Sigh. Good night all.DAMMIT WHEN WILL THIS STUPID FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT FINALLY STOP GIVING ME PROBLEMS??? DOING THIS EVERY FEW MINUTES IS VERY IRRITATING. ZZZ.

Slacked duing PE. Rest of day was pretty slack too. Left at 145pm for National Stadium (soon to be torn down). Watched SA vs VJ. I think VJ won. As for the finals of MJ vs RJ, we lost 1-0...=[ Left for home very tired and with a headache. Think I'll sleep ealrier today. No school tomorrow! Yay! I might as well post any pics I have tomorrow along with our PotC movie. =]

Its over! Competition's over. It seems just months ago I was still a J1 reserves sitting at the chairs, watching rest play. It's already a year, and I got my chance to play for the school. I did better today. =] Two frames away from a clean game in my 2nd game. =[ Lol. Oh and I don't have to put up with -ahem- in the team le. You guys should know. ;]


Well at least thanks to -ahem- I have an excellent mental game le. w00ts. After that, Miss Chua treat us to Swensens earthquake, then wnet to the Ex-Victor's Superbowl at Marina Bay to check out balls. Either didn't have the colour I wanted or the weight, or the ball was out of production. =[ So decided to redrill the MJ Spinner Heirloom, which, sadly will not be passed on to the juniors as NONE of them wanna spin. Bleahs. Never mind I got a ball for free.


Played HOT4 at the alley while waiting for our ride to come. We died at the first boss. =[ And I accidentally wasted two lives early on cos I haven't playing it for a while. But later on I survived very far on that one last life. At least until the boss used his uber stompin' foot bash. Lol. I've accidentally slipped into a holiday mood during the comp days. Haven't touched homework in a while. How? =S I think I have to hand in stuff tomorrow. Or not. Holidays starting. =] I better go see what I can do anyway.

Bleahs. Compeition was not good. FReakin unlucky. solid pocket but left one pin standing. High pocket and worst possible split in the game. Caould' pick up spares properly at all. Basically the only good thing was that I got to miss school...lol. Oh well, hope I do better tomorrow. Bleah. Did really crappy today. Worst of all the other days. After that returned to sch in the rain to put pour bags in the GO and left for Orchard. Went about Wisma, played PSP, then to taka and then shaw towers and then home. Feet hurt. Lol. Hmm...I really feel like getting those speakers. So I can blast my door off its hinges no matter the occasion, if i'm high or low. Lol. I'm guilty of neglecting my owrk for the past few days, but because I get Tues and Wed off, Thurs is half days with a soccer match to watch later,and Fri I watching movie, the earliest I'll get to doing some work is Fri morning or so. Mid years are looming.

The Fray
How To Save a Life



Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came


Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life


Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you


Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life


As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came


Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life



Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
How to save a life



Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life


Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
How to save a life


Heard this on MTV yesterday. Found it very nice and meaningful. Like the chorus a lot...


Snow Patrol
Chasing Cars


We'll do it all
Everything
On our own
We don't need
Anything
Or anyone


If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?


I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel


Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough


If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?


Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life


Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads


I need your grace
to remind me
to find my own


If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?


Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life


All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see


I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all


If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?


Feel a strange connection with this song. Too much connection. Sigh. Will not be blogging/visiting blogs today. Test tomorrow.


Damn I hate this place.

Damn. I. Am feeling very. Stressed. Out. Went bowling today, came back. slacked a bit, then went to do tuition homework. Did some BnP questions and was in a fine mugging mood until I camme across these STUPID INSANE CRAZY PARTS THAT I SIMPLY CANNOT SOLVE. I kept trying and going over it again and again and again and agin but NOOOOOOOO I simply cannot find out why I don't get the stupid answer. Brillant. It got so bad I started swearing at the stupid thing simply because I COULDN'T figure it out. What makes it worse is some questions I've attempted before, and the working looks right but DAMN the calculator doesn't spit out the value I wanted. ARGHHHHH. SO. FRUSTRATED. DAMN. IT. =.=
[UPDATE]
Sigh. On a whim I went to listen to Simple Plan. Haven't listened to them in aeons. Brings back interesting memories. Of the old days when things were better. And not so stressful and screwed up like now. How can life turn sour so quickly? Too bad we can't turn back the clock two years to when I was 16 and the O levels were over...or my 1st 2 mths in SRJC...

Today was as usual. Nothing much. Stoned during GP. Haven't got my essay back yet. Should have brought a novel. Bring Life of Pi on Mon. Playing bowling tml with the J1s at Kovan. ^^ Made a BLeach theme for my phone for fun. Heheh. I like it. =D Did some work today. Spend tomorrow mugging. That's it I guess. Nothing interesting, and no thought-provoking profound stuff to ponder today, so nothing to post. Oh, and MJ pWn3d!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111 4-3 ^^ We're in the finals. VS RJ next thurs. Hehs. Friday gonna be a holiday. Cheers. OMG BLOGGER FINALLY WISED UP. Its now auto saves my posts. I'm surprised and a bit =.= at the same time. Hahaha...but I still have my habit og copying all my posts as soon as I'm done. o_O Lol.

Pic from Monday at Swensens.


MEant to share cab with Shawn but ended up taking bus instead. GOt to school in time though. Lol. Great to skip Thursday. Mrs Wong will be disappointed. She wanted to check my tutorial...


I acheived bankai today! And successfully summoned hollow form to pWn till I got one 199 game. ^^ I always talk in Bleach-bowling terms with my fellow spinner. Heheh. I managed to put Monday behind me and had a fresh start again. Got back my average , which was 149.333(3 dp) today, so not too bad. Bankai was totally awesome.


Suddenly released it during 5th game, a few frames into it. XXX which broke later and I closed it with some linked spares and packed up later with another XXX. THen on the later frames I went a bit too fast. =[ SO my hollow masl broke and I threw a 7. Looked up, 199. I was like ahhhh!!! =X But 199 not bad already for me. =]


I managed to break my habit for the most part today. My average went up, and I was bowling a lot better. Wonderful. So it took 1 day of competition to do it. and I was totally calm today. No nerves at all. Good. Hehs. I had to fight a bit on Mon for the first few games, but I've defeated it today. Totally relaxed. Will keep this up for Tues. =] Mental game is strong too, so I might be bowling a lot better at the end of this learning experience.


After that went to BK with the rest. And camwhored because Azy started it. LOL. I'm considering new ball...how? =S

Some random emo pic from ytd.

lol

someone else with a full set of attire. Lol.

Dammit this is fuckin irritating. I hate this lousy frickin' piece of shit. The bloody computer just went "Internet Explorer has encountered a [FREAKIN] error [AGAIN] and needs to close. [HAHA I'M BEING A JERK OFF]" And I need to reload my Initial D episode again. Nice way to waste my freakin' time. Feel like hitting the stupid thing. Not having a good day in the first place. Fuck.


Today was my shortest day but it turned out to be longer than I thought. Woke up feeling pretty crappy and sat for Bio SPA. Dunno how it'll turn out. Just glad its all over. Bio Skill A is a pain in the ass with all that writing. So much for ACTUAL learning when we just memorise how to mutilate vegetables and mess about with their enzymes. How would YOU like me to cut you up and play with your, I dunno, liver catalase or something? Haha. I didn't have econs case study questions, which were somewhere in the Fourth Dimension(either i lost them or someone collected for me), so I didn't do it.


I just gave up and half-slept through econs, waking up occasionally to copy down the answers which I promptly scrunched up and threw away once I reached home. Oh yeah, I stumbled on the steps during Bio SPA and also flung my phone onto the ground accidentally in Econs lec. =.= Left the lec half dead. Chem lec, didn't bring the tuto so coped the answers down. GP was stone lesson. Stared at the AQ and wished I were back home sleeping or something.


Bio lec, fouth dimension notes again. Stared at the screen(revision notes actually), and wrote down the essay qns for homework right handed. (I'm left handed =.=) Math lec I was feeling totally wasted so I was half-sleeping again. Took almost the whole period for the lectuter to catch me. Up yours. Don't like the way she teaches. Gah. Hey at least half sleeping allows me to stone and copy notes. As though she has never dozed in lectures before. Bet these people feel so humiliated by getting caught they decide to exact the same punishment on future generations.


Felt royally pissed off and highly irritated at the end of the day. Met up with BenQ. Another kindred spirit. Hah. Like another isomer in the same solution. Went to find Josh. Msged the exco votes to azy. My day was better for a while. They had positive comments on Mugalo. =] Emoed with MP3 the bus ride home. Spent the rest of the afternoon messing about online. No mood for work. After this I'll try to do some stuff. TRY. Haha.

Emo Humor? Lol. I still haven washed the stupid thing off fully.

100% Emo
Sling bag courtesy Jasmine.
MJC Bowling Tee - $19
Black pants - $35
Vans "Off the Wall" sneakers - $99
Storm Streamline bowling bag - $80

I ALWAYS take photos of him cause he's so darn cute. ^^ The other cute one's in America. =[ Lucky kid. Lol.

...