Goodbye.

A quick explanation about my sudden disappearance from the realm of all things weird and wonderful last night. I was on facebook and messsing about as usual. I noticed my cousin sent me a message, so I open it. And it hit me. What the FUCK was I doing on here right now??


I need every minute I can get. I needed something to scare me off the net. And that did it. I was several things. Firstly I was pissed off. At myself, for succumbing to the wiles of the internet, and for not being strong enough to hold up to temptation, and being stupid enough to think I would "join to see what the fuss was about." But no, It's not a social networking website. It's a fucking drug. And it scared me. It scared me bad. I was disappointed at myself for having done what I did. I felt like cursing and swearing and kicking myself. For not recognising the effect it had on me. For not resisting against the pull of the site. For being a total ass. For being me. I hated myself to the core at that point. Full of loathing and disgust.


Could I really be that weak and foolish? Apparently so. Feeling like a horrible idiot, a true sucker for all the fun and games on facebook. Those are the weird and random little things which I like, so of course I was hooked. I still hate myself for it. I am a fucking idiot. So I got my comp. I hid it in a cupboard, tried some string around the door and locked it up, added my bicycle chain, and then dumped the keys in my dad's safe, and locked those up. Hopefully that will hold me off for a while. I'm only using my sis's comp for a bit. I need to atone for my sins. I don't know how many hours I can put in, but if I mug 20 hours a day there's still time to put in over 360 hours before the 'A' start.


The only good thing is that I was only on Facebook for 3 days and I was out mugging from 8:30AM to 9:35PM on one of those days. So I at most lost two days of mugtime. But two days = 48 hours. I could've done a lot.


I guess this is goodbye for the last time.


Farewell all,
-=[K]=-
13 October 2007

I've been a fool and I hate myself for it.